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Web feature: Divorced in New York

New York's divorce system is a legal oddity that often forces warring spouses to duke it out in court. What does that do to family dynamics?

BY MICHELLE CHEN

The Brinkley trial may be a unique media circus of family dysfunction, but for ordinary families, too, New York's marital court system may set the stage for bitter drama. New York is the only state in the country in which settling a divorce dispute requires couples to prove "fault," which leads many parents to duke it out in front of a judge--and their kids. Under the fault system, critics say divorce becomes a longer, costlier process that can needlessly traumatize children.

We'd like to know what readers think about the divorce system in New York, and encourage dialogue with legal experts on how to make the experience better, or at least a little less negative, for spouses and family members.

Have you (or your parents) been through divorce in New York? We invite you to weigh in through our reader forum, Splitsville, New York. Share your own personal experiences with divorce court, and discuss ideas for reforms with some experts in the field.

Did the legal system hurt or help the process?
Do you think a "no-fault" system would lead to a fairer settlement?
What was the impact on your family dynamics and parent-child relationships?
How can divorcing parents, inside and outside the legal system, ensure that their children's privacy and sensitivity is respected?

Enter the forum, "Splitsville, New York."

Why divorce in New York is different

Under a fault-based system, when one spouse wants out--or when both want to end the marriage but are in dispute over assets or child custody--they must prove "grounds" for divorce. In New York, the main grounds include adultery, cruel and inhuman treatment, and refusing sex or abandonment for more than a year. (A couple can also jointly file for separation, but this requires complete agreement on all terms and a year-long waiting period. See Newsday's feature on the state's divorce system for more.)

Hal Mayerson, a New York City-based divorce lawyer, said that for many couples, the fault-proving process may mean several extra months of litigious headaches and an even bigger crush of lawyers' bills. Not to mention some creative legal shenanigans, like fudging the date of the last sexual encounter. Tensions often flare, he said, when spouses file legal documentation of each other's bad behavior.

"Once you start getting to those types of complaints people harden their lines in terms of how angry they are," he said. And that can impact the entire family, as when a spouse seeks to alienate the other parent by revealing the details of a complaint to the child.

"It would be better for children," he said, "if parents didn't have to write all these terrible things about each other to get a divorce."

What about the kids?

Of course, even under a no-fault system, couples often become embroiled in long battles over the stickier issues highlighted in the Brinkley drama: child custody and financial assets.

Barbara Glesner-Fines, a law professor at University of Missouri-Kansas City, said that generally, under both fault and no-fault divorce laws, the legal system must be sensitive to children's needs and perspectives in a transition that could be emotionally wrenching. Many states, she said, have tried to address this by not only moving to no-fault systems but also implementing parent education programs, which "instruct parents to minimize conflict, keep their children's interests first, and reassure children that they will be cared for and that they are not responsible for their parent's divorce."

We've invited a few experts to stir some conversation about the state's divorce system in our reader forum: Hofstra law professor Andrew Schepard, who helped found Hofstra Law School's parent education program, P.E.A.C.E. (Parent Education and Custody Effectiveness); Steven Carlson, a California-based parent consultant who works with child custody cases; Hal Mayerson, a New York-based matrimonial lawyer; and Steven Demby, a psychologist who specializes in families going through divorce. (Learn more about the divorce experts participating in the discussion.)

We invite readers to join this discussion of the legal and emotional dimensions of divorce in New York.

Click here to leave a comment on the "Splitsville, New York" forum.