Text size: increase text sizedecrease text size

Punchlines

Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "President Bush went to Iowa today. ... Of course, people from Iowa were a little confused. They weren't sure which disaster President Bush was talking about - the floods or his presidency."



David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. How about that? Political experts say this is great, because it gives the Obama campaign a much-needed shot of boredom."



Comedy writer Doug Austen: "Hillary Clinton had promised the daughter of a supporter, when the girl was in eighth grade, that she would attend her high school graduation. On Sunday, Clinton fulfilled the pledge and spoke at the girl's graduation. This is a switch - usually it's Bill Clinton who makes promises to young girls."



Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Former President Bill Clinton now says he is willing to do whatever he can to help Barack Obama become president, so the Obama team is asking him to campaign for John McCain."



Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The Hula Hoop turns 50. It's not as popular as it once was. Nowadays, if a person wants the sensation of plastic spinning out of control they get a credit card."



Novak on the death of comedian George Carlin: "He is currently doing a set in Heaven convincing God that He doesn't really exist."

Related topic galleries: Government, George Carlin, Executive Branch, National Government, David Letterman, George Bush, John McCain

Get breaking news | Most popular stories | Dining and Travel deals all via e-mail!

The latest from the Opinion blogs

Capitol Gains: State Senate 2008

The clock is ticking in Albany. Track the pivotal State Senate races with the experts, weigh in, and count down to Election Day on Newsday's new blog, Capitol Gains.

Opinion columnists

  • Monday: Les Payne
  • Tuesday: E.J. Dionne, Jr.
  • Wednesday: A new column by members of the editorial board
  • Thursday: James Klurfeld
  • Friday: Charles Krauthammer

Tell us what you think

Questions or comments about an editorial or article? Want to write for the Opinion pages?
How to submit a letter or op-ed.
Send a letter to the editor.

Special Sections


  • Top Doctors

  • Halloween

  • Green

Photos & Entertainment

Long Island Data

Databases
DJIANASDAQSPX
Find Stock Quotes

Newsday.com to go

Now you can add Newsday.com headlines to your blog or favorite social networking sites:
Facebook
MySpace
iGoogle
Typepad
Blogger
More applications
Now you can follow Newsday.com on Twitter.