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Qualified is in the eye of the beholder

Ellis Henican

September 14, 2008

What does it mean to be qualified?

For months, his opponents have been saying Barack Obama is unqualified to be president. Too young. Too inexperienced. Too fresh on the national scene.

Now many of these same opponents are valiantly explaining how brief terms as mayor of tiny Wasilla and governor of Alaska have fully prepared Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away from the presidency, a 72-year-old heartbeat at that.

Such is the tribal nature of American politics. You get the feeling that qualification, just like beauty and the need to evacuate in a hurricane, lies largely only in the eye of the beholder.

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But presumably, some foundation of knowledge and experience is relevant to becoming a successful president or vice president. Otherwise, we might as well pick our leaders by lottery. Chances are, whoever was chosen would have basic values, solid life experience and some aptly named common sense.

You heard Palin in that interview with Charlie Gibson. Did she sound qualified to you? He asked her about the Bush Doctrine, the basic underpinning of America foreign policy. She stared back like a moose in headlights.

"In what respect, Charlie?" she asked, waiting for some further hint.

I'll bet you know exactly how she felt, as her mind went racing every which way. I know I did. I remember fourth grade at Holy Name of Jesus School. Sister Mary Marcella was peering through rimless glasses straight at me.

"Mr. Henican," she said. "Would you mind stepping up to the board and explaining the difference between prime and composite numbers?"

As I recall, I was more than a little vague about prime and composite numbers.

I can't swear I remember the exact dodge I fell back on.

But I bet it sounded awfully like:

"Uh, in what respect, Sister? In what respect?"

CRASH TEST: So happy to hear that Andrea Sangermano wasn't drunk or stoned when she crossed the double yellow line, drove up on the sidewalk, veered into oncoming traffic and hit two parked cars on Franklin Street in Hempstead. Seems her diabetes meds were out of whack. But now that Nassau officials have apologized and she still promises to sue, one question does linger for the falsely accused DWI "Wall-of-Shamer": When will you be going out for a drive?

HEAD FAKE: The idea sounds so right: A civilized forum where thoughtful candidates discuss important issues with earnest moderators in front of well-mannered crowds. So why was Thursday's Public Service Forum at Columbia such a bore? Why did Barack Obama and John McCain make so little news there? We demand these snooze-a-thons and then steadfastly ignore them, going right back to the "Muslim" childhoods and the lipstick-smeared pigs.

ASKED AND UNANSWERED: 0 for 14? Have Suffolk County convenience stores gotten way stricter about selling beer to minors? Or have the Sixth Precinct's underage undercovers lost their touch? ... Can I get a ride on Marian S201, the 30-foot, two-man submarine now collecting water-quality data in the Long Island Sound? Now that sounds cool!! ... Was Rick Pitino just being neighborly when he dropped by Brookville's Lutheran High on Wednesday? Or was the recruit-hungry Louisville coach rattled by all the nice things 6-foot-7 wing forward Tobias Harris was just saying about UConn? ... How's this for an incendiary Obama-Palin comparison? Jesus was a community organizer, Pontius Pilate was a governor. Tennessee Rep. Steve Cohen has apologized ... That six-day, 15-stop flight from Republic Airport to San Francisco, departing Wednesday: Was it a Postal Service stunt to mark the 90th anniversary of airmail - or just a typically tortured cross-country connection out of FRG? ... What fatherly advice will rapper 50 Cent be giving to 11-year-old Marquise during their court-ordered every-other-weekend quality time? Love can be incendiary? Don't let your woman stay in your crib? Always keep a fire extinguisher nearby? ... Glasses alert: Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on "SNL"? Gee, who gave Lorne Michaels that idea? Too bad the back-in-action sketch show had so little political news to play off this week ... Will Houston's stay-at-home Hurricane Ike evacuation plan be copied elsewhere? No one likes the get-out-of-town traffic jams ... Is one of the alleged coke dealers busted by the East End Drug Task Force really named Curtis Blowe? What are the chances of that? No relation to rap pioneer Kurtis Blow, I presume ... Will the official "we're sorry" to Andrea Sangermano generate a fresh round of bum-rap claims from other DWI "Wall of Shamers"? Or will her fresh lawsuit plans do that? ... Is it morally bankrupt to hope a hurricane goes somewhere else, even if that means people in that other place will likely suffer? I'm only asking, you understand.

E-mail ellis@henican.com.

Oh, YOU WANT QUALIFIED?

1 O.J.'s new all-white jury

2 Charlie Rangel's crack CPA

3 Bill Clinton's stringy deli tray

4 Those Debticated Consumer credit cons

5 That broker who said, "Buy Lehman stock."