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Punchlines

June 26, 2008

Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "President Bush went to Iowa today. ... Of course, people from Iowa were a little confused. They weren't sure which disaster President Bush was talking about - the floods or his presidency."

David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. How about that? Political experts say this is great, because it gives the Obama campaign a much-needed shot of boredom."

Comedy writer Doug Austen: "Hillary Clinton had promised the daughter of a supporter, when the girl was in eighth grade, that she would attend her high school graduation. On Sunday, Clinton fulfilled the pledge and spoke at the girl's graduation. This is a switch - usually it's Bill Clinton who makes promises to young girls."

Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Former President Bill Clinton now says he is willing to do whatever he can to help Barack Obama become president, so the Obama team is asking him to campaign for John McCain."

Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The Hula Hoop turns 50. It's not as popular as it once was. Nowadays, if a person wants the sensation of plastic spinning out of control they get a credit card."

Novak on the death of comedian George Carlin: "He is currently doing a set in Heaven convincing God that He doesn't really exist."