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Punchlines

Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com

July 17, 2008

Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "President Bush signed a bill giving phone companies immunity for letting the government spy on its customers without a warrant. Isn't that unbelievable? President Bush said 9/11 changed everything. And you know, he's right, because violating the Constitution and breaking the law used to mean jail time."

Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "According to a recent study, a great number of Mexicans are returning to their country because of the economic recession in the U.S. Maybe this was Bush's plan all along against illegal immigration - just run the economy down and wait for them to leave?"

Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Today's New York Times has once again raised the issue that John McCain may not be eligible to be president because he is not a natural born U.S. citizen. Apparently, McCain was born outside of the 13 colonies."

Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The White House has rejected a plan to regulate greenhouse gases, saying it could cripple the U.S. economy. And if there is anything the Bush administration knows about, it's crippling the economy."

O'Brien on Barack Obama appearing at a fundraiser with Hillary Clinton and telling the audience "Hillary rocks": "Then Bill Clinton said the same thing, but he was talking about Hilary Duff."

David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman," on Vice President Cheney's recent checkup: "During the procedure he waterboarded a nurse."