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PARENTAL GUIDANCE: Ways to put child's sleep issues to bed

Beth Whitehouse | Parental Guidance

July 20, 2008

My 2-year-old wakes up at 2a.m. daily screaming, "Mommy, I want to come down!" This has been going on for more than a month. We've tried several times letting her cry it out for up to an hour, but that hasn't worked. Out of pure exhaustion, we've resorted to bringing her into our bed. How do we get her to sleep in her crib all night?

"Kids who are good sleepers don't suddenly stop sleeping well for no reason," says Jennifer Waldburger, a California social worker and co-creator of "The Sleep Easy Solution," a book and DVD designed to help parents address sleep problems. "Kids' sleep behavior is always connected to some underlying reason."

It usually falls into one of the following categories, she says:

She's sick.

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She's cutting a tooth.

She's hitting a developmental transition.

She's just back from a trip or you've just had an overnight guest.

She's had a change in environment - for instance, a light is coming through from outside or a neighbor's dog is barking.

Because your child is verbal, talk to her about what may be happening that is translating into her nighttime sleep issue. You want to make sure there isn't something going on emotionally with your child that is legitimately distressing her.

For instance, she may be adjusting to starting camp or preschool, or grappling with potty training, or perhaps a new baby has entered the family.

"There may be something churning inside of them that they need to process," Waldburger says.

Sometimes, even though the child can talk, she may not be able to articulate what is troubling her. That's where you'll have to also examine her schedule and surroundings. "It's really the parents' job to look at what else is going on in their child's world right now," Waldburger says.

During the day, address whatever issues you think might be upsetting your child. For instance, if she just started a summer camp, you might have to validate that going to camp can be scary but Mommy and Daddy always come back. You might have to send her with a photo of the family or a special stuffed animal to help her through the day.

If you just started potty training, you might have to back off, Waldburger says. Pushing a child to progress in one area might cause her to regress in another, she says.

Meanwhile, you can have one parent sleep in the child's room with her temporarily, on the floor on an air mattress. "It's better to bring the support to the child's environment," Waldburger says. "It's easier to transition out of that than to get the child out of your bed again. You want to be really clear. Keep reminding your child, 'We're just doing this for a little while to help you.'"

Then it's absolutely appropriate to try dealing with the sleep issue as a behavioral issue again. Gradually move out of her room, perhaps literally by moving your air mattress a few feet from her bed each night until you are back in the master bedroom.

If necessary, try a rewards chart again. Waldburger wouldn't impose punitive consequences. Kids take on shame when punished for sleep issues, she says.

Be firm, patient and loving, and your once-solid sleeper can make it through the night again, Waldburger says.

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