Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.
DEAR AMY: A little over a year ago, I contracted Lyme disease. It has been an extremely tough time, healthwise. A short time after being diagnosed, I met a woman who I feel is the love of my life. Things went well for a while until earlier this year, when she ended the relationship. She said we were boring together and things just didn't click for her. I tried to tell her that the fatigue, nausea, neurological problems, etc., are so debilitating at times it's hard to function in a normal relationship. I guess I was boring because I was so ill. Now I am doing much better. I tried to explain all of this to her, but she is having none of it. She wants nothing to do with me. I just can't seem to get over her. When we were together, she was the kindest, most loving person, and I love her deeply. I'm depressed that I met her when I was so sick. I believe you meet the love of your life only once in a lifetime. I know if I hadn't been sick she would feel the same way, but I just wasn't any fun to be around. Can you help?Once BittenDEAR BITTEN: You believe that you meet the love of your life once in a lifetime. Even if this is true (I don't believe so), the matter of identifying who is the love of your life gets tricky.
I want to introduce two concepts to you: Character and timing.
The character question comes up when someone is dumped because of illness or for being boring. And Cupid sometimes throws two otherwise compatible people at one another but then delivers bad timing.
Pay attention to your health. Work hard to stay positive in the face of this, because depression is both a symptom of your illness and a factor in your recovery.
As you wrestle with this, think about how you would behave if the roles were reversed. Realizing that your former girlfriend lacks character might help you move on.