Future son-in-law has rotten table manners - Newsday

Future son-in-law has rotten table manners

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

DEAR AMY: Our daughter's fiance is charming, intelligent, thoughtful and has dreadful table manners. He's Asian, so we think it's a cultural thing. He spends the meal slurping, with his face and body almost in the plate, in the "trough" position with open-mouth chewing and lots of noise. We wonder if this is considered appropriate or appreciative in his home culture. He's lived in the United States for quite a few years, but I don't think he recognizes what's going on. My husband wants to talk to him about this, but I don't want to offend him. I don't think we can ask our daughter to talk to him, either. I keep hoping he'll notice how we eat, as we share meals together often, but it's been months now. Any thoughts?

--Future Mother-in-Law

DEAR FUTURE: There's nothing "cultural" about your future son-in-law's dreadful table manners that I'm aware of. He simply has dreadful table manners. This is an issue best broached by your daughter. What's needed is merely a gentle correction. It should be expressed to him that better table manners will likely benefit his other personal and professional encounters, which is a good thing. If he changes, mealtime should become more palatable for you . . . and for everyone else.

DEAR AMY: "Querying Mom" was very upset because her children were excluded from a family wedding and when she and her husband attended the wedding they saw other children there. These other families may have completely disregarded the "no kids" admonition on the wedding invitation. I was shocked at our wedding to see how many families completely ignored our suggestion that they get sitters for their children for that day.

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--Been There


DEAR BEEN THERE: You are correct; some parents seem to believe that the "no kids" rule applies to everybody else. Thank you.

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