Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.
DEAR AMY: I've been married almost 50 years. My wife strayed from our marriage bed on several occasions and, frankly, never satisfactorily explained to me why. She decided to stay married. We've gotten on well together for years and successfully raised two fine children. My daughter wants to throw us a 50th anniversary party, at which she wants us to repeat our wedding vows. I find this to be a terrible idea. My wife made the most solemn oath in front of a church full of family and friends, and then she broke it. I find the idea that we would repeat what was a travesty in the first place to be unacceptable. When I told my daughter I did not want to do the vow thing, she pushed back. All I could think to say was, "I don't need to show my commitment. I'm still here, right?" She sees this as a grouchy old man's answer. My wife says as little as possible about why I seem to be so hardheaded about the issue. How can I stop this renewal of vows?--Hurt Husband
DEAR HUSBAND: What stands out most glaringly is the fact that you and your wife don't seem to have talked about this. You don't understand her motivation for straying. You don't seem to have forgiven her; you have only moved on. You may feel you've done all you need to do by simply staying married, but you sound more hardhearted than hardheaded. You deserve better.
Take this tremendous marital landmark as an opportunity to discuss the state of your union. Be brave enough to expose how bewildered and hurt you feel. Talk. Listen. If you and your wife can't find a way to have this conversation, enlist the help of a counselor.
Ultimately, you and your wife might mutually decide that a renewal of your vows will be just that -- a renewal -- and also an opportunity to start over. If you decide against it, then you will make this choice together, and if your daughter deems you both to be grumpy, then so be it.