Digging deep into reasons for being fat

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Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: In my reply to the woman complaining she was being overlooked because of her weight, ridicule was not my intention. When I see a fat person, I say a little prayer for the person. I have been fat enough to know that my weight's effect on my life was bad and hurtful on many levels. I think it was more indicative of my depression and unhappiness than anything else. My point is fatness is not an isolated thing but part of the total person.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Yet we Americans are rapidly inching our way to obesity without understanding its connections to food and mood. We eat too much; we choose the wrong foods; we snack and drink soda hourly. Nonstop gorging on nonnutritive foods is our daily exercise. In a therapist's room is the place where true, legit soul food is generously offered. Digging into the reasons for our choices may be the best exercise for whatever ails us. The price for knowing ourselves is the best bargain.

DEAR SUSAN: I am a single mother, twice divorced. I'm currently seeing a man with whom I share many interests and for whom I care deeply. He does, however, have two traits that are beginning to concern me. He is irresponsible about money. Although at 54 he has a steady job, there's bankruptcy and a house repossession in his past. He has education debts and no savings. If we continue simply to date, no problem; but in the long term, this wouldn't work for me. The other concern is more bothersome. He wants to see or talk to me every day, drops anything he's doing to be with me and makes no plans with anyone else in case I'm free. I am a very busy person, with two teenagers and a job. I enjoy his company when we're together but am feeling pressured to spend more time with him and reassure him that I miss him when we go several days without seeing each other. Does not wanting to see or talk to him every day mean I'm not ready for intimacy?

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From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Not at all. It means you don't love / respect him. Stop blaming yourself for not wanting to talk to and be with him. Down deep, dear lady, you simply do not respect his values. That has absolutely no relation to your readiness for marriage! I suggest a short-term trip to a therapist. Once you hear yourself saying things you've been hiding from yourself, you just might decide to lengthen your commitment to therapy.

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