He needs to get over her and find himself

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Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a 42-year-old man who never has been married. I'm usually very good at meeting women, but I think I've lost my mojo. Six months ago, I met someone I really liked, but after a little while, she said she couldn't go from eight years of marriage to a serious relationship. So she joined a dating website, where she met someone she wanted to get serious with, but he didn't feel the same way. Usually when these things happen, I just go with the flow and accept what wasn't meant to be; but I'm obsessed with her. Not as a stalker, but I can't stop thinking about her. Now, I met someone who really loved me, but I was so obsessed with the first woman that I ruined it. I actually saw a psychologist. This is so unlike me. How does someone get over obsession?

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Seeing a therapist may have been the wisest move of all. I truly hope it wasn't a momentary impulse with no follow-through. For your sake I urge you to continue your inner journey. The woman of fantasy needs to give way to the more appropriate woman, and only you can make that happen.

Make the most of this crossroads; not many people realize the goal of true happiness.

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DEAR SUSAN: I do believe in love at first sight, because it happened to me and my husband in 1985. We caught sight of each other on my first day at my new college job. That was in late summer. We became friends, but he was so shy it took until October for him to take me out. He proposed in December, but we waited to marry until we had both graduated.

I know it sounds corny, but it really does get better every year. We've had some ups and downs, but the downs were never too far down and never lasted long. It happened that way for our parents, too. Mine have been married 41 years, and his have been married for 43 years. Wonder whether that had anything to do with it.

From the Single File blog

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DEAR BLOGGER: Congratulations for all six of you. Yes, I firmly believe the combination of good genes and a calm, loving environment has the very best chance of producing calm, contented children who go on to choose calm, contented life partners. But if we're not given the gift of a happy family life, should we sit around and curse fate? I think not. The gutsy among us will do what we can to learn about ourselves and find the strength to make a calm, happy life for ourselves and those we love.

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