Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: Your column about love as a catalyst was pretty good! The act of loving does reconnect you with your ability to love; that's worth searching for. To love and be loved is what life is all about. But I guess I've been looking for love in all the wrong places.

From the "Single File" blogDEAR BLOGGER: Love can ignite in the oddest of places -- a bomb shelter, a volleyball court, a health food store. The "where" of it is almost immaterial. I was told about a woman who purposely caused a fender bender because she wanted to meet the handsome dude behind the wheel of another car. (For the curious, it had a happy ending for a while -- but not forevermore. The Fates can be pushed only so far.) Yes, I'm in favor of being aware of people possibilities as you mosey around your world. But making life a full-time search for love, well, that's a bad call. For one thing, it clouds your mind to the other wonders of your world. There's a lot going on in this busy galaxy, and you should be open enough to enjoy it.

In a way, then, there's really no right or wrong place in the love hunt, no time too early or too late. But it's crucial to nurture friendship with augmenters, friends who bring out the best in you. The love there is waiting to be tapped. You yourself are the wellspring of love.

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DEAR SUSAN: I continue to enjoy the measured advice and the dialogue you provoke with your column. I am contributing here my own responses to your recent exercise. (For the record, I'm a woman, 50, single and happy.) The key to this unmarried lifestyle is enjoying each and every day, putting in hard work and physical exercise, and having plenty of friends. I know I'm deeply loved by my many friends and my family. I never feel lonely, and I love my independence. I have an active sex life, but this isn't my priority. Developing my business and friendships, involvement with family, and maintaining my health are sources of great pleasure.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Your sources of pleasure fascinate me because they span a full and healthy singleness. Yes, dating and sensuality are part of the mix -- but not dominant. Uppermost in your priorities are friends and family members, without whom life would be stagnant and meaningless. I myself give a special nod to physical exercise and hard work as pleasurable necessities of life, single or otherwise. If love is caring in action (as I believe it is), activity is the underpinning of a healthy psyche. Your words will inspire many readers.