Mocha Moms 'a sisterhood' for women of color on Long Island
Qumyka Howell, of Valley Stream, joined after her divorce. “I needed to gain a new friend group, because my usual friend group was through my marriage,” says Howell, 47, who works for the federal government.
Zulayka Fagan signed up seeking advice about navigating motherhood after having her first child. “It’s been such a benefit connecting with women who are first time moms and veterans,” says Fagan, 36, of Brookhaven, who is an educator.
Amina Alliyu became a member after moving from Queens to West Hempstead. “Mocha Moms really helped me get comfortable living on Long Island,” says Alliyu, 43, who works in advertising sales.
Mocha Moms is a mother’s group geared toward women of color, offering mom-nights-out, mom-only brunches, speakers on issues such as personal finance, health and wellness events, online Zoom meetups, community service projects, outings for couples and play dates with the kids. The primary focus is on the women's well-being.
“If the mom is well and good and healthy, then the family is well and good and healthy,” Howell says.
‘NEEDED A SISTERHOOD’
Wellness Instructor Mimi Borda, of MimiForMeYoga, teaches Charmaine Anderson, of Queens, and Elizabeth Forbes, of Elmont, during a Mocha Moms fitness class in Bellrose on March 2. Credit: Debbie Egan-Chin
Mocha Moms was started in 1997 in Maryland by four Black mothers, says co-founder Cheli English-Figaro, who is now 60 and has three grown children. “We came together because we were African American moms who had taken time off or chosen alternate career paths so we could spend more time with our children,” says Figaro, who was an attorney by trade but stepped back from her legal career.
Back then there was no Zoom meetups or ubiquitous social media. Mocha Moms spread primarily by word-of-mouth and by being featured nationwide in Ebony magazine, NBC news and on the Oprah television talk show, English-Figaro says. It has since grown to be option for all mothers, regardless of their work choices; more than 60 chapters now flourish in more than 20 states, she says.
Claire Burton, 3, of West Hempstead, chooses a bowling ball during a Mocha Moms event at Bowlero in Melville on April 27. Credit: Howard Simmons
Elizabeth Forbes, 46, co-president of the Long Island Chapter of Mocha Moms, discovered the group five years ago. “I’m a mom of six men; my oldest is 26, my youngest is 18,” she says. After she survived a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, she realized she needed a support team outside of her husband and family, she says. “I was constantly working 9 to 5, something was just missing; there was no balance,” says Forbes, a human resources coordinator. “I just needed a sisterhood.”
The women support each other, give each other advice, encouragement and ideas. The Long Island chapter strives to meet four times a month, with a goal of two meetings being virtual and two in person. Annual membership costs $70, and there may be additional costs for some chapter events.
‘LET YOUR HAIR DOWN’
Recent in-person events have included a wellness day in conjunction with the Queens chapter of Mocha Moms, where participants were led in an exercise class in the gymnasium of the YMCA in Bellrose, and a weekend bowling outing in Suffolk County for mothers and children. Meetups that include children will often be grouped by the children’s ages; moms of younger children might gather at the Long Island Children’s Museum while moms of tweens and teens might choose an arcade or ice-skating event.
Elizabeth Forbes, of Elmont, is co-president of Mocha Moms Long Island. Credit: Debbie Egan-Chin
Online meetings typically include one evening meeting a month and one daytime “Tea and Chat” during a weekday lunch hour. “The first event I went to was a daytime social,” says Alliyu, who has a 3-year-old daughter. “You dial in, let your hair down, talk about motherhood or balancing motherhood and work.” The evening Zoom meetings are great because mothers don’t have to worry about finding child care, says Fagan, who also has a 3-year-old daughter.
A recent daytime online meetup draws 10 members, and the attendees are delighted when one of the moms tells them that for her birthday, she checked herself into a hotel alone for the weekend, ordering room service and soaking in the tub. She jokes that she is proud of herself for only logging 35 steps while there. “I went to the door for room service to the bed to the bathroom,” she says.
The women of preschool children share ways they make time for themselves, including their spouses taking the children to gym-based day care when they go to work out so that mom has some down time, about help from grandparents, or taking a Pilates class.
Not all the women have very young children — Malika Elwin, 49, of Elmont, an attorney, has an 8-year-old. She encourages the newer moms. “It does get a little bit easier,” she tells them. But it’s a double-edged sword — the more independent the kids are, the more time you have, but the less they want or need to spend time with mom, she says.
Howell is a member with teenagers, two boys ages 15 and 17. “Even when my kids are older and are out of my house I’ll probably still be in the organization,” she says. “It’s the collaboration, the sisterhood, the looking out for each other.”
Beth Whitehouse writes about families, parenting and great things to do with the kids on Long Island. She’s been a Newsday editor and shared a 1997 Newsday staff Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the crash of TWA Flight 800.
