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"Gorilla Beach" by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Snooki signs a copy of her new book

Snooki signs a copy of her new book "Gorilla Beach" at Barnes & Noble in White Plains. (May 19, 2012) Credit: Catherine Nance

Chick lit goes to the beach when a pair of best friends from Brooklyn return for their annual summer debauch in Seaside Heights, N.J. They've hardly donned their trashy outfits and hit their first bar when they wreck their car, explode a can of tan in the bathroom of their summer rental and are set on by slobbering boyfriends old and new. If the plot of "Gorilla Beach" (Gallery Books, $25) sounds like an episode of "Jersey Shore," that's because its author is none other than the show's Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi herself. Snooki will be at the Book Revue in Huntington tomorrow to sign copies; here are a few things to know before you dive in:

1. Snooki has already "written" two books.

The mini Jägerbomber with the tarantula eyelashes and hematoma hairdo has already racked up a bangin' oeuvre. Though her first novel, "A Shore Thing," was booed by some snarky critics and Amazon reviewers and her "Confessions of a Guidette" was outsold by the literary offerings of other cast members, this MTV phenom is back in the game.

2. Snooki's ghostwriter is a Jerzey girl, too.

On the acknowledgments page of "Gorilla Beach," Snooki again nods to her "contributor," Valerie Frankel. The veteran chick-lit writer manages to add just the right touch of loving mockery to her characterization of Giovanna "Gia" Spumante (the Snooki character, "one meatball short of a hoagie").

3. "Gorilla Beach" is where the hotties go.

In Snookese, a gorilla is another word for "guido" or "juicehead" (a guy with a great body, from a term applied to steroid abusers). Hence Gia's goal for the summer: "Find a juicehead gorilla and smush like it was the Mayan apocalypse."

4. You, too, can be hawt.

Here's what you need: A monokini. Six-inch heels. A pouf (rat comb and hair spray required). Animal print everything. Hundred-dollar tip for everyone. A heart of pure molten gold. Then pour down the hatch a couple Verrazanos (equal parts Patron, Frangelico and Red Bull).

5. Really, don't forget the Red Bull.

It will keep you awake in the slow stretches and jump-start your enjoyment of passages like the one where Gia and Bella are saved from a mugging by a feral Pomeranian and a miniature dachshund. The girls buy them disco vests and rename them Kookah and Pretzel -- the former being Snooki's pet name for her lady parts, the latter being, as far as I know, just a salty snack.

6. Welcome to the GTL lifestyle!

Good things happen to people once they hook up with Gia and Bella and adopt their Gym-Tan-Laundry worldview. Just ask their pal Donna: "Three weeks of loneliness and anxiety sloughed off Donna's skin as if she'd had a full-body microdermabrasion." Reading "Gorilla Beach" is like that too, only less intellectually taxing.


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