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The world according to Maron, Lopez and Gaffigan

Comics Marc Maron, George Lopez and Jim Gaffigan

Comics Marc Maron, George Lopez and Jim Gaffigan have new books out. Photo Credit: Handout

Comedians have different brains than the rest of us; they view the world a bit askew, through the filter of their own neuroses. While they're usually vocal about it, sometimes they put pen to paper. Here are three new books by three completely different comics.

 

1. MARC MARON, "ATTEMPTING NORMAL" (Spiegel & Grau, $26)

KNOWN FOR: His self-obsessive podcast, "WTF," and biting cable show, "Maron"

STRUGGLES WITH: Career, relationships, you name it.

THOUGHT PROCESS: "My mother always told me that I was a diaphragm baby. Which in my mind means I have an innate ability to overcome obstacles."

SELF-CRITICISM: "I'm old, twice divorced and emotionally retarded."

RANDOM OBSERVATION: "I see men in their 50s and 60s who have never had kids and I feel that they are missing something. ... Except for George Clooney. He seems OK."

RESIGNED TO: "The amazing thing about being a comedian is that no one can tell us to stop even if we should. Delusion is necessary to do this."

HIS OBSESSION: "Pain makes me know I am alive. Joy and comfort are awkward and make me want to die."


2. GEORGE LOPEZ, "I'M NOT GONNA LIE" (Celebra, $25.95)

KNOWN FOR: His long-running ABC sitcom, "George Lopez," and his turn as a late-night talk show host.

STRUGGLES WITH: Turning 50

THOUGHT PROCESS: "You've heard the expression 'My body is a temple'? Mine is more like a storage unit. ... I have a whole bunch of junk that I shoved in there that I forgot about."

SELF-CRITICISM: "OK, I may not look fat to you -- and I may not actually be fat -- but I am fat in my mind."

RANDOM OBSERVATION: "This AARP, man, they are on it. They're like bloodhounds. I got my AARP card before I got a birthday card from any of my friends."

RESIGNED TO: "If you hate physical exams, or colonoscopies or prostate exams, get over it. ... If he finds something that shouldn't be up there, like a half of an apple or an old iPhone or a tumor, you're gonna thank him."

HIS OBSESSION: "When I die, I either want to go in my sleep or after sinking a 30-foot birdie putt. I don't just love golf. I am golf. It's in my DNA."

 

3. JIM GAFFIGAN, "DAD IS FAT" (Crown Archetype, $25)

KNOWN FOR: His role on TBS' "My Boys," "Pale Force" animation shorts on "Conan O'Brien" and his "Hot Pocket" jokes

STRUGGLES WITH: Raising five kids with his wife

THOUGHT PROCESS: "As a dad, you are vice president ... in your children's eyes, you mostly fulfill a ceremonial role of attending pageants and ordering pizza."

SELF-CRITICISM: "Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake."

RANDOM OBSERVATION: "Going to Disney as an adult is like standing in line at the DMV. ... I remember telling my kids, 'I hope you are enjoying yourselves. It was either this or send you to college.'"

RESIGNED TO: "They could provide small packs of cigarettes in every Happy Meal and I still would go to McDonald's on long car rides with my children."

HIS OBSESSION: "When I first became a father, my ultimate goal was to just not make the same mistakes that my father made. Then I was comforted by the thought that there was no way I would be able to afford all that booze."

 

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