In a moving 1,900-word essay at Medium.com, Chrissy Teigen describes the experience of losing her and her singer husband John Legend's third child in a miscarriage last month.
"After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn't survive this," Teigen, 34, said of their unborn son Jack, "and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn't done anything at all. Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness."
She went on to say, "I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. … I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad."
Teigen wrote the essay, she said, "because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky."
Teigen and Legend are the parents of daughter Luna, 4, and son Miles, 2.