Mandy Moore says her seven-year marriage to singer Ryan Adams was a codependent strain on her career and well-being.
"I was living my life for him … being the mother. It's an entirely unhealthy dynamic," singer and "This Is Us" star Moore said in an interview conducted last week and posted Monday on the podcast "WTF with Marc Maron." "I had no sense of self. I was imperceptible. I was so small, in my own world."
Moore, 34, was among several women in a New York Times report last week accusing Adams, 44, of emotional abuse, controlling behavior and inappropriate behavior. Adams tweeted an apology on Feb. 13, while also saying some of the article's "details are misrepresented; some are exaggerated; some are outright false."
Moore told Maron that she had found herself in the role of caring for Adams both "emotionally [and] literally," saying, "It made me feel worthy. It made me feel like I had value, if I could be there for somebody else and serve their needs. … I think it goes back to feeling undeserving of what I've had in my life as a young person and finding success. And I think there was part of me that was, like, 'I'm OK to not live for myself right now. … He needs me.' "
But, she said, "My codependency fed into his codependency and some other issues." Eventually, "I felt like I was drowning. It was so untenable and unsustainable and I was so lonely. I was so sad. … I was lonely with him."
Moore — who wed Adams in 2009, together announced their separation in January 2015 and divorced the following year — said the needs of the marriage also had hurt her career. The relationship "wouldn't sustain itself if I was working … I would do little jobs. It's not like I completely stopped working. I would do things here or there but it became abundantly clear [that] while I was working, things would completely fall apart at home."
Through the years, she said, "I would try to fight back, but I hate confrontation." The dissolution, she recalled, involved "a lot of endless conversations. Conversations in a loop. Crying," all going on for "months, even after filing for divorce."
Ultimately, she said of the path her life took, "It's OK. It's all part of it. I needed it."
An attorney for Adams, who has no publicist, did not respond to a Newsday request for comment. The singer has not commented about Moore's podcast on social media.
Moore married Dawes singer-songwriter Taylor Goldsmith on Nov. 18. She told Maron that she is planning to work on new music with Goldsmith while she is on break from filming her TV series, "This Is Us."