Happy National Poetry Month! But before you get too excited, get a load of this: "The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry: Timeless 'Poems' by Snooki, John Boehner, Kanye West and Other Well-Versed Celebrities" is out now.
The 261-page book (Workman Publishing, $11.95) is upfront about where the verse came from. On the copyright page, the authors -- sibling writers Kathryn and Ross Petras -- state, "The text of the 'poems' . . . comprises quotations from actual interviews, blogs and other published sources."
So when Kanye West says:
I won't go into a big spiel about reincarnation,
But the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago
Was the closest I've ever felt to home.
He really said it.
Here's one with local flavor from real housewife of New York City, Countess LuAnn de Lesseps:
I think that Quogue used to be, like, an IN part
of the Hamptons and it's just become not in.
It just has the kind of, like, low-rent stigma
There's also John Mayer's "sexual napalm" ode to Jessica Simpson and Charlie Sheen's "winning" speech. But those come off as mere duds when the great Flavor Flav is talking spuds (and his chicken restaurant):
Let me be straight up with you,
I went up inside there on April 2 and I found potato salad that expired on February 28.
And it's then when I realized I can't do business with this man
And I really hope no one ate those potatoes.