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James Cameron's 'Avatar': Confused? Let me break it down

The "cinematic revolution" is nearly upon us, as Avatar, the $400M beheamoth, is set to be released on Friday.

"Stunning," "mesmerizing," "beautiful," are just some of the words that have  played up director James Cameron ego, uh I mean film, and while I don't necessarily disagree with these adjectives, I still have one major qualm -- what the heck is this movie about?

I've been bombarded with dozens "Avatar" trailers since the summer, and the only thing I've gotten out of them is that Cameron has a thing for Thundercats and Smurfs.

I finally headed over to the official  "Avatar" website, and found a 3:31 trailer/mini movie/spoiler-fest. This thing was a video cliff note of the movie.

***SPOILER ALERT***

The concept is cool: Humans discovered a moon they want to exploit for resources, called Pandora. Problem is the atmosphere is toxic and the local inhabitants, the Na’vi, aren't really too keen on the whole pillaging thing we humans do.

Despite humans having superior technology, the Na'vi kick our behinds, mainly because of their ridiculous height, awesome hair / abs, oh and cause they know the land better.

So a bunch of scientists, led by  "Alien" vet Sojourney Weaver, jump start a program that mashes human and Na'vi DNA to create remote controlled bio-suit called an avatar, which looks exactly the the Na'vi.

We send one of those avatars, remotely controlled via brainwaves, by an ex-marine who lost the use of his legs, to infiltrate the Na'vi colony -- whoah, I just got a flash of 21 Jump Street.

Anyway, our hero gets into the Na'vi world, and surprise, surprise, he falls for one of their amazonian ladies --hmm, I know what you're thinking, Ferngully.

The rest is predictable, the hero turns against the greedy, humans, yada, yada, yada, explosions, special effects, yada, yada, yada, more explosions, effects, yada, and some inter-species romance, yada, yada.

 Now, I got this all from a 3:30 minute trailer, without making a single assumption. It looks like Cameron just pulled together themes that have been done a dozen times before and stuck a $400M budget behind it.

Is it worth seeing in the movie theater? Meh, go for it, the visuals are sweet, but don't expect to experience some life-altering entertainment spectable, like we've been led to believe.

For those of you ponying up the fazool's for this, let me know how wrong I am.

Photo composite credit: Thundercats, Cheetara (NBC); Papa Smurf (AP); Avatar (AP)

 

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