Memorial Day isn't the actual start of summer. Just ask any school kid stuck in class till late June. But regardless of the school calendar and the ocean water temperature, the Hamptons summer season begins this weekend.
Bay Street Theatre inaugurates summer in Sag Harbor at 8 p.m. Saturday with a celebrity evening of song and repartee by Brian D'Arcy James of the new NBC drama-musical, "Smash," and Ana Gasteyer of "Saturday Night Live" and the ABC sitcom "Suburgatory." James originated a lead role in Off-Broadway's "Next to Normal" and was Tony-nominated in "Shrek the Musical" and "Sweet Smell of Success." Gasteyer made her Broadway debut in "The Rocky Horror Show" and played Elphaba (the green witch) in "Wicked." She's best known on "SNL" for her impressions of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center welcomes the season with a pair of concerts. First up: Patrizio, the baritone-hunk from Naples. (Buanne is his last name, but he's attained mononym status in his native Italy.) He'll apply his accent to the Great American Songbook Saturday night at 8. At the same hour Sunday, singer-guitarist John Pizarelli croons and riffs cool jazz and swing.
Farther east, Guild Hall previews a beach-season documentary, "Waterproof: Lifeguards for Life," based on the career of John Ryan, 76, patriarch of East Hampton's "first family" of lifeguarding. Admission is free for Saturday's 5 p.m. screening. Arrive early and check out the 74th annual Artist Members Exhibition in the museum.
In Quogue, Hampton Theater Company presents A.R. Gurney's comedy "Black Tie" Friday night through June 10.
Music & dance
* The Bridgehampton Chamber Music Festival (July 26-Aug. 19), Long Island's longest-running classical music event, embarks on its 29th season. Led by flutist and founder Marya Martin, the festival presents a world premiere by Paul Brantley (631-537-3507, bcmf.org).
* Gilbert & Sullivan Light Opera Company of Long Island brings "The Mikado" out East (July 9) to Guild Hall's John Drew Theater.
* Pianofest returns (June 18-Aug. 9) with Monday evening concerts, most at Avram Theater on the Stony Brook Southampton campus (631-329-9115, pianofest.com).
* Southampton Cultural Center's Rising Star series brings Qi Xu, winner of Ukraine's Krainev International Piano Competition, to the Levitas Arts Center (June 9).
* Among the dance highlights are Momix, Moses Pendleton's artistically and acrobatically daring company at Westhampton Beach Performing Arts (Aug. 25), and the Atlantic City Ballet's "Caught Up in the Swing" and "7 Sins" at the Drew (Aug. 28).
* Meanwhile, the Long Island Fringe Festival presents a Hamptons edition (Aug. 5), featuring avant-garde dance, music, theater, performance poetry and visual artistry in and around the Southampton Cultural Center (516-931-6849, longislandfringefestival.weebly.com).
* Bay Street Theatre observes its 20th season with a revival of its first production in 1992, "Men's Lives" by Joe Pintauro, a Sag Harbor neighbor of the company. Based on a book by Peter Matthiessen, "Men's Lives" (July 3-29) tells the story of the economic plight of baymen in the Hamptons.
Bay Street opens its season Tuesday with the U.S. premiere of the English import "My Brilliant Divorce," a one-woman show starring Polly Draper ("thirtysomething"), through June 24. A world premiere closes the season: "Big Maybelle: Soul of the Blues" (Aug. 7-Sept. 2) stars Tony winner Lillias White of "The Life."
* Just down Route 114 in East Hampton, Guild Hall's John Drew Theater presents the 1970s Murray Schisgal comedy "Luv," starring Ricardo Chavira of the late "Desperate Housewives" (June 7-July 1).
Other Drew highlights include "An Evening With Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin" (July 7), another edition of "Celebrity Autobiography" (Aug. 24) and a new "Broadway to Main Street" concert series, featuring Malcolm Gets and Veanne Cox, among others (July 8, 28 and Aug. 12).
* Bebe Neuwirth reprises her "Stories With Piano" show (July 15) at Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center, where Megan Mullally, the former "Will & Grace" star, performs her "Postmodern Cabaret Show" (Aug. 26).
* A new outdoor Bard festival, Shakespeare@HITfest, takes its first bow with "A Midsummer's Night Dream" (Aug. 2-19) at Bridgehampton High School (631-525-2995, midsummerdreams.eventbrite.com).
* The Parrish Art Museum presents its final exhibition in the Southampton jewel box it has occupied since 1898. The museum moves in the fall to its new Water Mill space. The finale, "The Landmarks of New York" (June 24-Sept. 5), photographs of architectural icons, from Rockefeller Center to the Brooklyn Bridge.
* Guild Hall makes a case for the Island as a frontier for the art of video in "Escape: Video Art From Long Island" (June 30-July 29), featuring works by pioneers Laurie Anderson and Andy Warhol, plus videographers who grew up on the Island in the '80s and '90s. Next, Guild Hall pays homage to a Hamptons painter's 30-year career in "Eric Fischl: Beach Life" (Aug. 11-Oct. 14).
* High-end art -- from the masters to contemporary artists -- will be on sale in Bridgehampton: ArtHamptons (July 12-15, 631-283-5505, arthamptons.com) and artMRKT Hamptons (July 19-22, 212-518-6912, art-mrkt.com/hamptons).
* Cutting-edge art by Eddie Rehm and Emanuel Buckvar: Davenport & Shapiro Fine Arts in East Hampton (through June 16, 631-604-5525, lsdart.com)
* Already installed in the gardens at LongHouse Reserve, a wooded East Hampton landscape, are new sculptures by a half-dozen artists (through Oct. 6).