OK, it's late in the day but sometimes it takes a few hours, or even a night, to comprehend the lunacy of a totally bizarre "American Idol" eliminations episode. Casey Abrams gets dumped; Casey gets a reprieve! Reprieves, of course, have happened -- that's not the shock. What is shocking is that Casey ended up in the ejection hatch in the first place.
Theories? I've got em, and who doesn't! The top nine list of why Casey Abrams nearly earned a one-way ticket to palookaville:
1.) He doesn't have all the fans he thinks he does. And well "duh," you say. He obviously does not. Clearly, there is a disconnect here; Casey thinks his brilliance has spread over the great republic and only the foolish and tone-def would fail to recognize his genius. Not so, pal!
2.) He does have the fans but they forgot to vote. This is the oldest form of flattery at "American Idol." "We love you so much and you're so great that I don't have to vote for you because everyone else will!"
3.) The judges did it. Yes, blame the judges. After a while, viewers do tend to get a little tired of the "oh, you are just too wonderful." Backlashes begin, then gather force, and suddenly, in one mightily galeforce blast, all the supporters you thought you had are blown out to sea. You -- Casey -- are left naked, alone on stage, with your only supporters sitting right in front of you. Sadly, Randy, Steven and Jennifer do not vote. They just bathe you in adulation.
4.) The beard. For crying out loud, lose the beard. You look like Grizzley Adams; Griz could not sing, by the way.
5.) Kurt Cobain did him in. Casey's rendition of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" a couple weeks ago was so painful, so awful, so screechy, so miserable, so wretched, so vastly, completely, utterly irreducibly . . . unlistenable, that millions suddenly realized that the emperor, so to speak, was naked.
6.) The ghosts in the "Idol" mansion came to the Kodak to haunt him?
7.) Casey is just an eeny teeny weeny bit full of himself. But then -- you say, so is Jimmy Durbin, who looked like he had in fact seen a ghost when Rycrest told him "you are in trouble." But the fact is, I think Durbin does have a pretty solid fan base. And I also think that egomania, while perfectly fine and suitable for a top 11 contestant, does not wear well to viewers at home. Casey doesn't always try to hide it. He doesn't, in other words, do modesty well -- like Pia, for example.
8. ) A voting glitche, or anomaly: Well, why not? "Idol" does allow online votes now, and a total of 30 million votes were cast last night. That's a vast number, and it would be interesting to know how many were auto-generated or block-cast. "Idol" insists that sort of thing doesn't happen, but I can imagine some clever voters have worked their way around this. Maybe some oddity in the voting process ended up pushing Casey to the bottom of the heap in ways that only some astute mathematician could deduce.
9.) Most girls think Stefano's cuter.