Here's some of the monologue...

and video below...



“Things are getting interesting in late night television.  You know what’s
going on, ladies and gentlemen?  Chaos and craziness and mayhem – a couple of
minutes ago, Conan O’Brien, who was the host of ‘The Tonight Show’ over there
at NBC, announced that he would not follow Jay Leno at 12:05.  Yeah, so you
know what this means – that’s right, I knocked off another competitor.”


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“Conan said he made the decision not to follow Leno at 12:05 after he talked
to Johnny Carson.


“But listen to this:  if Conan does leave ‘The Tonight Show,’ President Obama
then has to appoint a replacement.”


“And then I got a call just before I came out here from NBC, and they said,
‘Look, look, we still don’t want you back.’”


And now, so Jay Leno apparently is moving back to 11:30, and this has been
hard on my mom.  It’s been tough on my mom because for the last six months
she’s been forced to watch me.”


“And now, according to the NY Times, Al Qaeda is claiming responsibility for
the wreckage at NBC.”


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“Simon Cowell is leaving ‘American Idol,’ but don’t worry – we’ve checked and
Jay’s fingerprints are nowhere on this one.”





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