"Eaten Alive?" Well, the Jets have been eaten alive most of this season. Some guy was eaten alive on Sunday's episode of "The Walking Dead." But we're talking about something entirely different here: Another desperate Discovery Channel series with a ridiculous concept, good title, clever tease and just enough sizzle to get everyone armed with a mouse and Internet connection in a state of high dudgeon: "Eaten Alive," in which a man is eaten by an anaconda. The series arrives Dec. 7, and already it's made everyone entirely forget about some guy who walked across a high wire in Chicago.
It stars Paul Rosolie, 30, who in fact is a wildlife conservation advocate, with an expertise in the Amazon basin, and who wrote a well-reviewed book, "Mother of God," published this past June, which in fact argued in part precisely against this kind of stunt -- the exploitation of endangered species like...anacondas.
But it's all a clever ruse: No one's going to get eaten, and in fact, there are no recorded instances of a green python (those are the giant guys) eating a human; also before actually eating prey, the python constricts its victim -- which would mean Rosolie would be dead long before he went down the gullet; and finally, an attempt to trick an animal into doing something like this could potentially harm it.
Why is TDC doing this? Because it's all part of headlong rush (by TDC and others) into junk specials and "pseudo-science" series that go viral long before they air. Look at it this way: Millions who are surfing the web this morning looking for Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" have suddenly learned about "Eaten Alive." There's method to this madness.
Meanwhile, how could a boa eat a human? For clues, check out the clip from 1997's "Anaconda," starring J Lo and Ice Cube. Their careers survived this -- but the fake python did not.
But, first, the tease for "Eaten Alive": In this, Rosolie looks about as appetizing as a bald tire; he could've at least doused himself in ketchup first.