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'Golden Globes:' And here we go...!

Ricky Gervais arrives at the 69th Annual Golden

Ricky Gervais arrives at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards in Los Angeles. (Jan. 15, 2012) Credit: AP

Welcome Globes fan. 

 Have recovered from the Giants.

 And here we go...


 8:01 --  Gervais? OK friends, let's break these jokes down. Was Gervais funny...mean...mean/funny? I think he was all of the above. His best riff was the Mel Gibson riff...(Oh yes, Mel is so damn obvious.) Something about no one was allowed to see Jodie Foster's "Beaver." Well...ok, obvious. Very much so. And a couple Kardashian jokes. And a few others. But this was not necessarily a mean-spirited open. He's clearly dialed down from last year. 

8:13: Best actress in a TV comedy. If Amy Poehler doesn't win...if she doesn't win...I will...boycott the Globes. Of course Laura Dern wins. By the way, I predicted this..."Thank you so much Hollywood Foreign Press..." Blah blah. Love her. The show stinks.  

8:17: Ah, a commercial. Time for me to riff on the stupidity of the Globes. Of course Laura Dern was going to win best actress for comedy. Of course the HFPA has no idea was "Parks & Recreation" is. Of course Amy Poehler should have won. There is no justice with the Globies... 

8:21: Best mini..."Downton." D'oh. Totally deserving, etc. etc. (I do hate when the Globes agree with me. Makes it harder to be snarkish.) 

8:24: Kate Winslet. Sure of course. Yeah. Yeah. She's queen of the world and so on. I hated/did not like that bloody dull movie she was in, "Mildred Pierce."  Back to snark!

8:27: 'Nother commercial. Back to Gervais. I've had time to reflect. He totally was kind and gentle. This was Gervais lite. Kardashian jokes?! Come on. Easiest target in the universe. He should have targetted people in the audience. Instead, he goes after poor Kim. My grade for Ricky's performance: B-. (Good lines about other easy targets like the HFPA and NBC saved his day...) 

8:33: "My Week with Marilyn." Did anyone see this movie? Including critics? 

8:36: Kelsey Grammer wins. Oh, did I say I predicted this in the very fine paper you picked up today? 

8:36: Let me just drop the attitude for a minute. I love "Homeland." Totally deserved. Best drama. And it will win the Emmy too. Howard Gordon, a great dude, and wonderful writer is talking now. He's thanking everyone. That's HoGo. He's a thanker. He's also from LI and I love the dude. 

8:45: Clooney, falling asleep.

8:50: Madonna wins for a song no one has ever listened to nor ever will. Congratulations!

8:52: We're in a terrible terrible lull. This means it's a.) almost 9 o'clock. b.) a commercial. c.) Ricky Gervais is tied up and bound back stage. d.) These are the Globes. What did you expect? f.) All of the above. Oh you readers of TVZone are so smart. Answer is f. 

9:00: First penis joke of the night. Seth Rogen. Who else. 

9:04: Time for more reflection. Why did Seth Rogen mention his junk? I love Michelle Williams but why did Seth Rogen have to mention his junk before he mentioned Michelle Williams? I'm getting confused, people. Help me here.  

9:09: Peter Dinklage. Brilliant in "Game of Thrones." One of the best, strongest, toughest categories of the night. For supporting actor/mini. 

9:11: Clooney awake again.

9:14: Best animated film...the winner is...who cares! Of of course you care. I CARE! "The Adventures of Tin Tin." It sounds like a wonderful movie. Rather French ...

9:20: This is a cool movie. "50/50." I think it is. 

9:22: Best screenplay...Ha haa...heeee...heeee.hoooo....haaa!!!  OK. I'll stop laughing. Woody Allen didn't turn up to get his best screenplay award. Per Nicky Kidman, he wished he could been here...

9:25: Jessica Lange...She wants to thank everyone. She wants to thank FX, and the writers and the HFPA, and the people she killed in the show, and...and the bodies she piled up in "American Horror Story." 

9:29: By the way, did you know? I love "American Horror Story." Even if Ry Murphy does make it up on the fly. Like "Glee." 

9:32: Madonna wants to kiss a girl and ...just like that Angelina Jolie didn't win for her gest foreign language film. Please please please don't ask me to check IMDB for the name But the fact is, no Angelina on stage! 

9:36: Claire Danes wins for best actress, etc. etc. Of course she deserves this dammit.  

9:41: Now's the time for me to start pulling for my fave choice of the night...Viola Davis! Great actress. Great stage actress...great TEEEVEEE actress....

9:46: Matt LeBlanc. Happy he won this, but I thought Thomas Jane would win, given the Globes' interest in [fill in your favorite slang word for male organ here] jokes. But seriously...and I can be serious...LeBlanc is very very good in this show.   

9:49: Octavia Spencer gives a nice passionate award speech for BSA (best supporting actress). But I WANT VIOLA TO WIN TOO. Viola Davis, that is. 

9:54: Clooney, awakening from a long slumber...

9:56: Sidney Poitier's up. Saying nice stuff about Morgan Freeman. Big award coming up apparently...

9:58: Helen Mirren complaining about Morgan Freeman. Maybe not a big award coming up. Maybe like a Razzy...naaah. This is the Globe equivalent of what the Oscars do to tell everyone how much they love the know, Lifetime achievement, etc. Actually, MF deserves one of these from the Emmys and Motion Picture Academy. (Meanwhile, where is Ricky Gervais?) 

10:03: Morgan Freeman..."working with you on "Red" was great fun,but watching you handle  a gun makes me know I never want to piss you off...and Mr. Poitier..getting this from you...knowing this is called the Cecil B. DeMiLle Award..." OK, OK. Love Freeman. But is this REALLY GOiNG TO LAST UNTIL ELEVEN OCLOCK? 

10:13: Martin Scorsese wins for best director for "Hugo." (If Woody had won, Angelina would have had to say, "Woody's not here tonight. But he would like to thank the Hollywood Foriegn Press Association for this great honor." That's why she smiled ever so slightly when she said the name, "Martin Scorsese.' )

10:20: Well, "Modern Family" finally won its best comedy Globe. I mean, do you want me to rant? IT'S TAKEN THREE SEASONS TO GET THESE MORONS AT THE HFPA TO GIVE MOD FAM A GLOBE!!!?? That's my rant for the evening. "Glee" has won the last two seasons. I guess the HFPA finally said "we're done making fools of ourselves." 

10:25: And Jean duJardain wins for best actor/comedy/movie...I loved the movie, so no complaints from this tired old crank. He was brilliant. And "The Artist" was absolutely/positively the best movie of the year. 

10:30: Clooney awakens. (His name is next, after all.) 

10:35: Meryl Streep. I can't believe this. "Well...when Ricky Gervais deal fell through and they came to me to play Margaret Thatcher...I can't joke." 

10:38: Even though Viola Davis should be up there....

10:40: After the Viola Davis fiasco, the Globes sort of does the right thing by giving best/pix/comedy to "The Artist." 

10:47: Clooney is waking up again.

10:48: Clooney is really awake. 

10:50something: OK, Clooney won. He was awake. And I love the dude. I sound like an awards speech. But I really loved Hawaii in "The Descendants." Why don't they give "Best Performance by a state" in the Globes? 

10:54: WE ARE HERE!!! The end. Best movie. "The Descendants." Hey...I liked this movie very much. And so on and so forth. 

11:00: Recap.. What!? You're not sick of my posts? Well,bless you. My final points will be brief. 1.) Pretty good broadcast overall. 2.) Ricky Gervais was a disappointment. He was defanged. Bummer. 3.) Viola Davis shoulda won. 4.) The TV winners were exactly as anyone would have predicted. 5.) The Giants still won. 

 Good night. 

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