Look at me, Shonda, look at me.
You know who "me" is, Shonda. The guy who writes this blog. Who saw his life pass before his eyes 10, 20 times last night.
And you, Shonda, know who you are.
Big shot TV writer. Famous creator of "Grey's Anatomy." Shonda Rhimes.
How could you do this to me last night? Drag me through two hours of wild cliches, shocking endnotes, violent death, blood, gore, crazed gunman - oh the poor bastard lost his wife because Dere left a sponge in her. Well frak you Crazed Gunman. Two hours, and I missed the Dick and Jane Killer, or whoever the hell he is, off Langston on "CSI." Now I'm gonna have to buy the show on iTunes because CBS is too cheap to re-post it. I'm pretty sure Langston lives to next season, anyway.
Back to Seattle Grace.
Shots fired. Mere cries like an hysterical nimrod - wouldn't want her to operate on a hangnail after that perfomance.
Karev shot! He's dead. No he lives. No he's dead. No, he lives. I think he's still alive.
Dere: Shot by Crazed Gunman after stare-down on the balcony where all sorts of crazy crap happens - like the time Dere and Mark got into a brawl that literally shook Seattle Grace to the foundations which were built on cursed Indian burial ground. Crazed Gunman about to let Dere go on with his merry little life with Mere when...this knucklehead comes up from behind Dere and says, "Oh Dr. Shepherd, I'm so glad you're alive! "
Of course, Kucklehead must have not wondered why Dr. Shepherd was standing there with a Crazed Gunman whose Wife Had Sponge in Her about to shoot Dere. She must have not wondered why - with all those bodies strewn over SG - this would not be a wise thing to do, which is to come up and say, "Oh Dr. Shepherd," I'm so glad you're alive." Especially after Dere had just spent the last ten minutes convincing CG that he was in fact NOT the doc who put a sponge in dead wife.
Knucklhead must have thought, oh it's OK. "I'm an idiot. I'm supposed to do stuff like this."
Naturally, Crazed Gunman shoots Dere. She then proceeds to tell Crazed Gunman where she was born, and the sort of cereal she eats, and why she shops at Target. She heard on "Oprah" that if you tell a Crazed Gunman that if you shop at Target, he'll leave you alone for some reason.
Dere, of course, is flopping around like a beached tuna while she's babbling on.
Dere lives! Then, Dere dies.
Dere lives. Then Dere dies.
Cue to Mere: Bawling like a bibulous boob on the hospital floor. Cristina telling her to get her butt in gear and for Gawd's sakes woman, shut the frak up.
I loved Cristina in that moment.
Ms. Shonda Rhimes, TV bigshot who just got another order for another TV show about doctors, this time in the South American jungle where their libidoes will surely not be unleashed and where crazed gunmen will be replaced by natives with poison darts: Are you still with me here?
Here's where I'm going with all this: That was insane. A manipulative season finale to beat all manipulative season finales. George getting his face removed by a bus? That had nothing on this.
Oh yes, there were some good performances. You should be thankful for this cast. But have you no shame, Ms. Shonda Rhimes, TV bigshot who still has another hour on TV called "Private Practice," where people died last week too?
Have you no shame?!
No. You don't. (Betsy Beers - I have things to say to you too...)