So, here's how it goes down (as promised) in 60 seconds, or -- if you're reading this capsule not-quite--review of the new season of "Jersey Shore" Friday morning -- how it all went down:
Ready? OK, take a deep breath . . . and here goes:
Snooki's got geography problems because she thinks Europe's a country and Italy's a boot, while Vinnie really wants to go because he wants to learn more Italian which will be very important this season, because when the gang gets to clubbing they realize that - uh-oh - people in Italy speak Italian and not English, and "people" would include the pretty girls that Mike wants to hit on, but -- if he can't quite hit on them because they don't know what DTF means -- then he can always turn his attention to Snooki because -- MAJOR SPOILER ALERT -- they hooked up in the off-season, even though Snooks now has a new boyfriend, Jionni, and just wait till Jionni finds out that Mike is hitting on Snooks, but we won't have to worry about that because we'll be too busy worrying about Ronni and Sammi, who both promise -- insist -- that they've stopped with all their moping and arguing and are just going to enjoy life, even though everyone will suddenly realize that enjoying life in Italy is very tough when none of your appliances work, and by appliances I do mean hair curlers and blow-dryers, although the cars work just fine even though no one knows how to drive them, with the exception of Snooki, who drives stick, and that means she'll be doing the driving from now on...
And you may now exhale.
Welcome to the new season of "Jersey Shore." It's gonna be a long one.
PHOTO: The "Jersey Shore" gang on the streets of Florence, Italy.