What did we learn from the second season of "Jersey Shore" - which wraps tonight?
Let us count the ways, in no particular order:
1.) Snooki can write. She wrote the infamous Letter, and wrote on a cocktail napkin a detailed checklist of the perfect gorilla/juicehead. This will help her with the novel (Yes, she got a book deal.)
2.) The Italian thing? That's sooo season one. Go ahead - find me ONE instance of the use of the word "Guido." Under pressure, MTV has scrubbed clean the ethnic angle.
3.) This group has a low threshold for boredom - very low. As this season drags to a close, they seem almost catatonic with boredom. They basically triangulate between the beach, the Metropole and Tantra (the club of choice.) This gets (and got) old real fast.
4.) For the second season in a row, MTV has stiffed them on a TV set. What's with that? Afraid they're going to watch Fuse?
5.) South Beach is not the shore, but it IS more colorful.
6.) "Jersey Shore" started to feel a little bit like "Big Brother" this season, as everyone waited for Angelina to get the hook. Finally, she left. Cheers could be heard across the nation.
7.) The ladies of the house have volcanic tempers. Snooki's great hair-pull assault on Angelina is one instance; every one of them has displayed an ability to loosen teeth, draw blood.
8.) No more intramural love affairs. Please. The on-again-off-again between Ronnie and Sammi was interminable, a drag of monstrous proportions.
9.) Hope for better - make that real - drama in the third. I mean, come on! The middle of the season was jammed up with the urgent question of who wrote The Letter? (This anonymous note told Sammi that Ron was cheating on her.)
10.) "Jersey Shore" really is unmitigated trash TV – often entertaining, OK, but still (to paraphrase Ronnie), the Staten Island dump of the tube. If you thought you might discern some nugget of redeeming value here, you were quickly disabused. This season was dedicated to much drinking, much cussing, much sleeping around. And yet six million - that's MILLION - fans ate it up every week.