With Joy Behar leaving "The View" after 16 years this May -- AKA the biggest cast departure since Meredith Vieira ankled in 2006, unless you count Rosie O, which I certainly do -- it is now time to officially shake out the dust. Put some life into this kaffeeklatsch!
Of course I have suggestions who to replace her with. You'll have to decide how facetious they are, but there is gold in this list, mark my words. Also, you're going to need replacements sooner or later. After all, Barbara could get sick again (I'm wondering if she ever had the mumps as a child?) There are rumors -- by the way, there always are rumors; this is TV -- that one or another cast member may also be announcing shortly that they too must "finish that play they've been writing..." (I wonder what Joy's play is about, BTW?)
To the list:
Ann Curry: I start off with one of the softer possibilities. Ann needs work, wants out of NBC, needs a public forum to tell wonderfully gossipy-and just-short-of-liable stories about Matt Lauer...
Roseanne Barr: Come on, admit it. You thought of this too. She would make "The View" insanely, compulsively watchable; just keep that seven second delay handy, Bill.
Sarah Silverman: Would shred the polite veneer with a visceral, venal, voracious joie de vivre. Oh how Silverman would be the best get ever. Of course all of the other hosts would quit...
Tina Fey: Doesn't know how to write. Can't act. Bad at hosting awards shows. Out of work. Will never get a film starring role again. TV is done after that hugely disappointing run at "30 Rock." The poor woman must be good at something, right? That's where "The View" hosting gig comes in -- you don't have to be good at anything to do this!
Amy Poehler: [See Fey]
Andy Cohen: Knows how to keep squabbling squabblers in line.
Nicki Minaj: After she's fired from "American Idol" this season, naturally.
Lena Dunham: Need youth on this panel, and after all, she is the Voice of an Entire Generation Around the Globe; surely she has something to say about where to get the best latte in Boerum Hill.