Kiefer Sutherland's much, much anticipated "Touch" returned to its new and regular time slot last night before a worldwide audience -- worldwide! -- and some of that audience laughed. At least that portion that didn't scratch its head in wonderment at the fact that this was being simulcast on the only TV station in Uzbekistan.
Me? I moaned: "Touch" is disappointing and very, very silly.
Loved the pilot that aired earlier this year, and loved the idea -- as windy and preposterous as it may be -- that the world's great mass of humanity is connected by numerical patterns that only the son of a guy who looks very much like Jack Bauer can discern. Hooray! Tim Kring ("Heroes") is back with another one of his nutty, wonderful, compelling comic books!
But can I take back my "hooray"? Or just modify it, or add an asterisk, which directs readers to this footnote: "Yes, the pilot was excellent and compelling, but caveat emptor, I have no idea what the rest of this series will look like and the premise does seem like a tough stretch for a weekly TV series."
But honestly, last night was just nutty. If you didn't see, I'm not going to go over this plot point by plot point -- I have a lot of hard, sweaty, unpleasant work to do, reviewing Oxygen's "Brooklyn 11223" -- so I'll guess you'll just have to take my word for it. But just to address some plot points, there is a very good reason people are not allowed to spread the ashes of their relatives in center field at Yankee Stadium (called "New York Stadium," whatever that is, last night). It is because players have every right to step on the field knowing they are not stepping on someone's remains. And if everyone dumped their dad's ashes in Yankee Stadium, the ash heap would be higher than the upper tiers. Dumping ashes in any stadium is not a good idea. Ever.
Next, Peanut Guy: He used to be the peanut vendor...just peanuts? No beer, or hotdogs? Has anyone ever seen a vendor anywhere who sells just peanuts? But I digress. Who let that felon back into the stadium? And he gives his ball back to the player or manager or whoever that guy was? WHY!!??
And Jake: How many times is that kid gonna run away? Every episode? Why should the home where he is supposed to be cared for so careless in allowing him out the front door every week?
And the kid in Russia who conveniently calls when dad is about to kneecap Peanut Guy? That was the cake: the piece de ridiculosity. The Silliness Tutti Silliness. The ... oh, I give up.
I'll give this series another chance and another chance after that. Why? Because interesting series with interesting premises starring Kiefer Sutherland and produced by Tim Kring deserve third chances. But last night bummed me out.