WHAT IT'S ABOUT Kourtney and Khloé Kardashian launch their Dash pop-up store at 64 Jobs Lane, Southampton, while the extended family -- including Eastport native and longtime Kourtney companion Scott Disick, father of Penelope and Mason -- moves into a North Sea "cottage." (see above; some cottage, eh?) Everyone seems happy at first -- but that passes. Scott wants to get to New York -- bright lights, big city, and all that -- while Khloé would rather head to South Africa with her new companion, French Montana. (They've since split.) Kourtney's worried about Scott's partying ways; he's still grieving over the recent death of both parents, Jeffrey and Bonnie Disick. Filming of the series began on the East End June 3, and wrapped Aug. 18.
MY SAY North Sea is a lovely old community on Little Peconic Bay -- the Un-Hamptons, as residents refer to their enclave. An unincorporated part of Southampton, the last celebrity-related catastrophe here probably happened a dozen years ago, when Lizzie Grubman, flack to the stars, ran over some bystanders at Conscience Point Inn (long since closed).
Then, this past summer, the Kardashians moved into a stunning house on the harbor, along with a retinue of handlers, production personnel and, of course, kids (two, whom you will see Sunday). The maddening crowd had suddenly descended upon North Sea.
A disaster? A horror show? All-night parties? Paparazzi-generated traffic jams? A blight on the Hamptons? No, no, no, no and no. "None of that," a longtime resident told me, when asked about all those tabloid reports last spring predicting a Kardashian-related Hamptons-geddon. "There's more congestion on Noyac when the North Sea Fire Department has their carnival and does the fireworks."
This person added, upon reflection, that there was one thing -- the Kardashians' American flag wasn't properly displayed, although when that was pointed out to the interlopers, they promptly corrected it.
Either by osmosis or from some deep-seated subliminal reflex learned after years of living with the Kardashians, we usually seem to expect the worst. So imagine your surprise -- or maybe it's just mine -- upon watching the pilot of "Kourtney and Khloé take the Hamptons." It's placid, bordering on dull, and suffused with a thrum of anxiety and discontent.
Scott, Khloé and Kourtney may be in a little bit of paradise, but more often act like they're in a little bit of hell. As such, the Hamptons in "Hamptons" flies by -- usually past limousine windows as they rush their occupants out of town, or a fleeting glance at the harbor, or those offending flags across a manicured lawn.
None of them seems to be particularly happy to be here -- Kourtney barely the exception -- and none of them seems that eager to engage with the Hamptons, either.
Yup, there's a world-weariness (and in Disick's case, sadness) to this whole affair, with even the headlining stars behaving as if they've been-there-done-that one too many times.
Meanwhile, the Hamptons will survive, as they have so many times before.
GRADE (for fans): B-
GRADE (for innocent bystanders wondering what the fuss is): D