THE SHOW "Scorpion"

WHEN|WHERE Monday night at 9 on CBS/2

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WHAT IT'S ABOUT Walter O'Brien (Elyes Gabel) is an underperforming genius who can't pay his bills, and his high-tech start-up is strapped, too. Walter and his crew -- Toby (Eddie Kaye Thomas), a "behaviorist"; Happy (Jadyn Wong), a mechanical smarty-pants, and Sylvester Dodd (Ari Stidham), a statistics expert -- need help, and it suddenly comes knocking one day. Some jets are about to fall out of the sky, and Homeland Security's Cabe Gallo (Robert Patrick) needs their help. Meanwhile, Walter's new friend, Paige Dineen (Katharine McPhee), a waitress at a local diner, might be able to help, too. Cabe hires them for a new division at Homeland, where they can work out the problems no one else can.

MY SAY "Scorpion" contains what may be the most ridiculously implausible and deliriously improbable computer-program-download sequence in the history of television (not that there have been a whole lot of those). It roars by in about 30 seconds, and during this breathless span, you realize director Justin Lin ("Fast & Furious") has really earned his paycheck. Both fun and silly, you also realize "Scorpion" might have actually worked, too, if the rest of the pilot struck the same balance.

Instead, it's mostly gold-plated hooey. The plot is slight, the resolution a laugher and the characters basically stick figures. "Scorpion" has its fun moments, but not enough of them. Will it get the time to work this all out? Who knows, but it is on CBS' Monday schedule. Don't be shocked if "Scorpion" gets a big number Monday night.

BOTTOM LINE High-gloss hooey.

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GRADE C-