Not that there's anything wrong with that, but do you have a spare 15 hours to kill over the Fourth of July weekend?
TBS will be marking the 30th anniversary of "Seinfeld" on Friday, July 5, by airing a 30-episode marathon of the TV classic, starting at 6 a.m. and ending at 9 p.m.
Now, understand this: The folks at TBS are being just a tad ingenuous with this celebration. Yes, a sitcom with Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander and Michael Richards did air for the first time on July 5, 1989. But it was a one-off: a pilot for a proposed series starring the Massapequa-raised comedian called "The Seinfeld Chronicles." Kramer was called Kessler and there was no Elaine. There was not all that much interest, either, although some key NBC executives saw its potential. Nevertheless, the idea for the show languished until May 31, 1990, when the "Seinfeld" we've known and loved was given a short early-summer tryout.
End of history lesson. Anyway, the "anniversary" will give viewers a chance to see 30 of the show's most memorable episodes, including "The Contest" (the one about self-denial, at 9:30 a.m.), "The Soup Nazi" ("No soup for you!" at 2 p.m.) and, of local interest, "The Hamptons," at 12:30 p.m., in which George gave the word "shrinkage" a very personal meaning.
Here's the complete rundown:
6:00 a.m. "The Chinese Restaurant"
Jerry, Elaine and George need reservations at a Chinese restaurant.
6:30 a.m. "The Pen"
Jerry accepts a gift his parents wanted him to refuse.
7:00 a.m. "The Parking Garage"
Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer lose their car in a mall parking garage.
7:30 a.m. "The Red Dot"
Elaine's alcoholic boyfriend resumes drinking; Jerry is the unwitting cause.
8:00 a.m. "The Subway"
The friends encounter adventure on the subway.
8:30 a.m. "The Pitch"
Network executives ask Jerry to create a show. Jerry tries to evade a vengeful writer. George woos an executive.
9:00 a.m. "The Bubble Boy"
Jerry gets lost en route to visiting a sickly fan.
9:30 a.m. "The Contest"
Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine vie at self-denial.
10:00 a.m. "The Implant"
Elaine says Jerry's girlfriend has implants, so he dumps her.
10:30 a.m. "The Junior Mint"
Visitors Kramer and Jerry think they killed a surgery patient.
11:00 a.m. "The Puffy Shirt"
Jerry appears on the "Today" show wearing a silly shirt.
11:30 a.m. "The Marine Biologist"
George poses as a marine biologist.
12:00 p.m. "The Opposite"
George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do.
12:30 p.m. "The Hamptons"
Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked during a weekend at the beach.
1:00 p.m. "The Big Salad"
Kramer helps an athlete wanted for a brutal crime flee police.
1:30 p.m. "The Fusilli Jerry"
A mechanic pal uses Jerry's romantic techniques on Elaine.
2:00 p.m. "The Soup Nazi"
Jerry's favorite soup vendor won't serve his new girlfriend.
2:30 p.m. "The Sponge"
Elaine considers intimacy with her new boyfriend.
3:00 p.m. "The Rye"
George's and Susan's parents have dinner together for the first time.
3:30 p.m. "The Invitations"
George searches for a way to stop his impending nuptials.
4:00 p.m. "The Bizarro Jerry"
Elaine's soon-to-be-former beau has two friends who resemble George and Kramer.
4:30 p.m. "The Little Kicks"
Kramer's friend forces Jerry to perform an illegal activity.
5:00 p.m. "The Chicken Roaster"
A celebrity opens a chicken restaurant in Jerry's neighborhood.
5:30 p.m. "The Abstinence"
George benefits when his new girlfriend's illness requires their abstinence.
6:00 p.m. "The Comeback"
Jerry joins a tennis club; a co-worker's insults test George.
6:30 p.m. "The Yada Yada"
George realizes his girlfriend's slang may leave out vital information.
7:00 p.m. "The Serenity Now"
Jerry's new girlfriend encourages him to express his emotions.
7:30 p.m. "The Merv Griffin Show"
Jerry dates a toy collector; Kramer thinks he finds a TV show's furniture set.
8:00 p.m. "The Strike"
George's father invents a new holiday; Kramer returns to work at the bagel shop.
8:30 p.m. "The Frogger"
Elaine eats Peterman's cake; Kramer helps George steal an arcade game.