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'Wilfred' recap: 'Guilt' and war

Elijah Wood, left, as

Elijah Wood, left, as "Ryan" and Jason Gann as "Wilfred" in "Wilfred," airing on FX. Credit: FX

A war has begun — a war between dogs and babies. The purpose? To crown the cutest victor.

At least, according to Wilfred, that’s how it goes.

“Guilt” starts off with Ryan receiving a text from his older sister, Kristen, who spent a portion of season one in India at a clinic and was knocked up in the midst of an affair with a married man, Arturo.  Now she’s back and wants to see her brother. Of course; because unsolicited visits from family members always bear great news.

Wilfred reminds Ryan that his guilt for betraying his sister and her affair will only last until Ryan lets it go. According to the man in the dog suit, a dog’s guilt lasts for five seconds. Wilfred shows this off by snapping back into his normal-mode, after feeling guilty, when his watch alarm goes off five Mississippi’s later.

When digging through Kristen’s bag, Wilfred and Ryan find a restraining order issued by Arturo. Ryan believes every positive and meditative revelation she shared about India was a lie — a lie she told because he betrayed her trust. Kristen later asks to stay at his place while her condo is “under construction” — a play perfectly timed to Ryan’s guilt.

“Has your guilt been alleviated?” Wilfred asks Ryan. No watch alarm sounds.

But one should expect any visits from family members to bring upon some sort of medley of guilt, biting your tongue or compliance. But I digress.

Amanda! She’s back again for her weekly 15 seconds with Ryan and the audience. This time, she’s eating tacos. We’ve been three episodes into season two and those lovebirds are always eating when we see them. When will we expect the gooey conversations, drawn from the wholesome heartstrings of love? That would stick out like a sore thumb in this series; perhaps even be a first.

But Kristen, that bohemian-wannabe, talks down to her brother about his relationship — saying that a chemist and a lawyer aren’t compatible. Has she not heard the explanation, “opposites attract”? Instead, she claims hers is ideal.

The war between Wilfred and fetus is still going on — at least on Wilfred’s side. He deems Kristen the “Trojan Horse” and takes measures in his favor — pointing a cleaning vacuum between Kristen’s legs, making a voodoo doll and attempting to trip her. Truce is called when Wilfred throws baby food into his face — his version of a white flag. Quickest. War. Ever.

After some pains, Kristen is bedridden and we meet Arturo, who explains the restraining order was his wife’s idea. Kristen has a revelation that all the chaos in her life — her recent divorce and shift from single lady to mistress — has been brought upon by herself. Ryan accepts her apology and Wilfred’s watch beeps five seconds later.

Pictured above: Elijah Wood, left, plays "Ryan" and Jason Gann plays "Wilfred" in "Wilfred," airing on FX.

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