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Single File: Don't change to attract guys

DEAR SUSAN: I've been talking to an ex, who I'd say generally has my best interests at heart, and he says that to get a man, I need to dress up when I'm going about my daily errands. Nice, tight jeans, cleavage-baring shirt, makeup and off to the grocery we go! Though this makes some sense, it's not me. I probably should pay more attention to myself, but I simply do not wear makeup. I'll be 30 in about six months, and I'm a homebody most of the time, but I know a good man isn't going to fall into my lap if I'm always at home. But do I really have to play the dress-up game?

                     --From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Don't believe everything people tell you -- especially what an ex-boyfriend tells you. Your style is you, pure and simple -- and barefaced. You're from the what-you-see-is-what-you-get school of women, and changing for a man isn't what motivates you. Sure, it'd be nifty to meet a good one, but you know better than to play-act to hook him. As you yourself know, it would do no good to paint your face and attract an admirer and then soon revert to your true, cosmetic-free look. Attraction based on a mirage is doomed from the get-go. And instinct is guiding you to a healthy, honest relationship with the other gender. Why go against your gut? No, my clear-faced pet, stay with your innate style and guide yourself to places that draw men who think the same. No use playing a game when the last thing you want is a game player as a partner. Show up at happenings that draw people with values in sync with yours. And by all means, save yourself for the man who sees beneath the epidermis.

DEAR SUSAN: I promised my gal friends that I'd hang with them on Saturday. That was two days before McDreamy asked me out for the very same evening. He's going to call at dinnertime tomorrow for my answer, and I don't know what to say. Should I ditch my friends?     --From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Don't you dare, ma petite. A promise is a promise is a promise -- as "sacred" to same-sex friends as it is to the datable kind. (Oh, you've got so very much to learn, and I hope you learn some of it here at my knee.) Besides, little lassie, odds are that McD will be maximally intrigued when he realizes he can't have your company any old time he has a hankering. In other words, I'm saying to turn him down this time because you've made other plans. This isn't game playing -- it's survival.

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