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Couple argue over flirtatious texts

DEAR AMY: I need your perspective. My wife and I have been married for 35 years, and even though she is rarely interested in me, I don't think she has ever been physically unfaithful. But ever since the technology has become available she has been a drunk texter. For a long time she denied it, but she finally admitted that she was sending "flirty, silly" messages to male friends of ours. Even though I told her I thought it was inappropriate and disrespectful, she insisted it was just harmless fun. Then she received a text one night after she was asleep. I tried to ignore it, but her phone kept beeping every five minutes. So I finally got her phone out of her purse and pushed the OK button to make it stop. I didn't read the message. The next day when she saw she had a missed text, she became unglued. She yelled at me, accusing me of reading her texts and checking her call log. When I explained what really happened, she called me a liar. That's when I began wondering what was in there that she was so worried I would see. She claimed there was nothing, that it was just a privacy issue. So then I called her a liar and we had an ongoing dispute for a week. We have mostly gotten past it, but I can't stop wondering what was in her phone that day. I contend there should not be anything in there that her spouse could not see. And she insists there isn't and that it is just a privacy issue. What do you think?

-- Hurt and Confused

DEAR HURT: Let's rewind and go back to this phrase: "even though she is rarely interested in me." This is your wife, not a sorority sister. Her choice to "drunk text" is juvenile and disrespectful. You should not sneakily comb through your wife's phone, but you weren't doing that. When this became a problem, your wife should have readily offered to show you her phone.

You say you are mostly past this, but in my view if you want to have a healthier, satisfying and more transparent partnership, you two have some work to do.

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