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Cousin's beau not welcome in woman's home

DEAR AMY: I am close with my 42-year-old cousin. She is in a serious relationship with a 52-year-old man she has been dating for six months. She recently learned that he made comments to her child's 23-year-old baby sitter, announcing his sexual feelings for her. My cousin has forgiven him based on his confession that he is a sex addict and promises to get help. She is invited to Thanksgiving at my home and I know she will ask to bring him. I believe this man will cheat on her again, if he hasn't already, and I do not want him at my home. What would you do?

-- Hostess

DEAR HOSTESS: I'm having some pain caused by TMI -- Too Much Information.

You certainly have the right to deny anyone access to your home, but I don't think "I believe your guy is going to cheat on you" is a valid reason.

If you invite your cousin and she asks if she can bring this guy, you should tell her, "I don't like or trust him and I don't want to expose our family members to him at my house over the holiday." Prepare for your cousin to also choose to stay away.

Staying with someone because he is a sex addict is a new one (even for me). Down the line, your cousin will need some family support.


DEAR AMY: Your attitude toward the woman signing her letter "Irritated Sister" was very irritating to me. Many of us are sick to death of the pressure to "buy" wrapping paper, cookies, pretzel and pizza dough, etc. from family members for school fundraisers. These fundraising efforts are obnoxious and the organization doesn't even receive much money from the sale. I don't blame this woman for being irritated, and for you to call her a name like "irritating" is just rude.

-- Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: Several readers agreed with your assessment of my answer. However, my choice of words was an attempt to describe the letter writer's behavior and that of her family members -- undermining each other and having a major dispute over a child's school fundraiser.

Based on the hundreds of responses I have received about the larger issue, there is a clear consensus that these organizational fundraising efforts are annoying and a waste of effort and money. Organizations may need to find other ways to engage their families -- where a higher percentage of the money raised stays in the community.

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