DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I hosted a party. We consumed lots of alcohol. My boyfriend was drunk and started fighting with his friend. He was abusive toward me. His roommate helped me calm down, and then I reached over and kissed his roommate. The roommate kissed me back. I feel terrible about what happened because I would never have cheated on my boyfriend if I were sober. The next day, when I had a chance to recall what happened the night before, I told my boyfriend. My memory of the evening was not clear, [so] I texted the roommate to find out what happened and asked him why he allowed me to kiss him. He responded and said, "I'm more at fault than you are." He said he was sorry. My boyfriend is upset and says he does not trust me alone with anyone. He asked me to stop calling and texting him. I respect his decision. He left a voicemail saying he will call me soon to find out my reason for kissing his roommate and what my intentions were. My only explanation is that I was drunk and acted completely out of control. I am wrong, and I am completely embarrassed. I have no intentions with the roommate. I care about my boyfriend. Is this situation fixable? How can we rebuild trust?
DEAR UPSET: I'm confused. Your boyfriend was drunk and violent, but the problems in your relationship are only about your drunkenness and stupidity?
All sorts of alarm bells are ringing. Your guy is blaming, punishing and controlling you without taking any responsibility for his own behavior.
Stay away from him. He is not a good guy. He says you can't contact him, but he's going to call you on his timetable to force an explanation for why you kissed his roommate? Puh-leeze.
The fact that you seem to have memory lapses from that night should be a wake-up call for you. When you get that wasted with people who are also that drunk and aggressive, everybody is in a potentially dangerous situation.