DEAR AMY: My older sister is getting married. Her fiance and his family are a very Christian and conservative and my family is extremely liberal. I am gay. I received an email from my sister saying she did not think it was right for me to attend her wedding. Her fiance's family members say they do not agree with my "lifestyle." OK, it is her special day. I am fine with her choice. When my mother learned I wasn't invited, she was outraged and extremely offended. I don't know if it is so much just my not being invited or that my mother feels our family traditions and beliefs are not as important as my sister's fiance's family traditions and beliefs. My mother also is hurt that my sister would treat me like that. Now my family will not attend my sister's wedding, and my sister and her new fiance say it is all my fault. What can I do to convince my family they need to go to my sister's wedding and also let my sister know the real problem is that she is losing herself and that this (not my sexual orientation) is the real issue?
-- Gay Brother
DEAR GAY BROTHER: I can completely understand your family's choice to not attend this wedding out of solidarity with you, because denying your attendance seems to be a denial not only of your family's values, but also of you.
Your sister and her almost in-laws are excluding you and blaming you for the drama your exclusion is causing, and now your gayness is really getting in the way of everybody's good time.
Your graciousness is commendable. Email your sister: "I realize this is your special day and understand that you feel strongly about me not being there. I accept your choice and have told other family members this. However, I feel like this choice doesn't reflect the values we were raised with. I hope you don't change your core values to suit your new family. I'll never stop being your loving brother and wish you and your fiance all the best."