DEAR AMY: While I could write a novel on how I feel, I will keep this short and sweet. I am a 39-year-old man, and a dietitian. Health is very important to me. My problem is that women in my dating range have been married and had multiple kids and have let their bodies go to waste. Before you say “go younger,” let me say that the “new age” or “modern woman” does nothing for me. I have zero attraction to tattoos, drugs and women who want to hit the clubs. So now I have zero options, and the loss of hope has taken a major toll on my health. I am very attractive and one of the silliest and most thoughtful guys you could ever meet, but at 5 feet 6 inches tall I am thinking my height is causing me to come up short in their eyes (on first impressions). Pun intended.
Born in the Wrong Century
DEAR WRONG: Dude, I don’t think height is really your problem.
But it might be.
Because you are so specific with your desires, trigger happy with first impressions, and shallow in your own judgments, the only surefire way for you to determine if your height is causing you to be a dating misfit would be for you to grow a few inches taller.
Get on that, and get back to me.
DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. He is a great provider and awesome dad. His issue is that he does not respect women. I struggle with this lack of respect daily. Recently, he had a birthday. He was not satisfied with the efforts I put in to celebrate his birthday. I gave him a couple of gifts that I knew he would like, but he was dissatisfied, and he sent me a text message riddled with profanity. Whenever he has issues with me, this is what he does. He said this was the worst birthday ever and next year he wasn’t buying anybody anything. He then made reference to my son from a previous marriage, and said that I am happier when my son comes home, than I am when he (my husband) comes home. This totally caught me off guard. I am really tired and saddened. He has done this before and it always seems to come out of left field. I don’t even know what to say or do anymore. How should I handle this?
DEAR WORRIED: Maybe your husband doesn’t respect women — or maybe he just doesn’t respect you. No matter what inspires this behavior, it is wrong.
Sending profanity-riddled text messages when you are dissatisfied with your birthday gifts isn’t the behavior of a mature adult.
Treating the mother of the children in the household this way is not something an “awesome dad” does.
Given that your son presumably does not treat you this way, it makes sense that you would rather see him at the end of the day than your husband. His behavior is that of a very insecure and frustrated person who is venting and lashing out in order to punish and intimidate.
You don’t mention how you have reacted to these outbursts. You also don’t say if you two have children together, and how they are treated. If they witness angry outbursts, disrespect, intimidation, and threats, it affects them deeply, and changes who they are.
You should save these messages and talk about this during a private, calm moment. Ask him how he would react if someone treated him this way, or if someone else treated you this way. You should insist that he join you in counseling in order to talk about your mutual frustrations, disappointments, sadness, and concerns. If he is frustrated, upset, or raging, he must find a different way to cope and communicate. If his behavior gets worse, you should consider leaving the relationship.
DEAR AMY: I hated your one-sided, knee-jerk response to “Not Really Stepdad.” His sexual attraction to his girlfriend’s 18-year-old daughter is his own business. He didn’t say how old he is — he might be close to her age! These two are consenting adults. His longtime girlfriend deserves what she gets by getting ugly and fat. Your answer only reveals your deep hatred of men.
DEAR DISGUSTED: “Not Really Stepdad” laid out a classic predation pattern of grooming a child in his household, starting when she was 11 years old.
I don’t hate men. But I’ll admit to hating this man.