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44° Good Morning

Man upset with brother's bragging

DEAR AMY: My brother and I are in our early 60s. "Sam" is retired but has a wife who still works and makes outstanding money. Sam continually lectures family members and friends about how much money he has and how they should follow his advice in investing their money. His arrogance drives everyone crazy! I told him many times that I do not want his financial advice. I tracked all his advice and finally sat him down. I showed him mathematically that if I had followed his advice over the years, my wife and I would have lost almost all our savings. I also told him that family members and friends think he is very arrogant. He started screaming at me, told me he did not believe a word I said, and ran out of the room. I haven't heard from him in several years. He will not answer any of my correspondence. What's the best way to make him understand that he cannot continue to behave this way?

-- Concerned Brother

DEAR CONCERNED: Your brother has stopped communicating with you, so you can stop trying to control him.

He sounds like a challenging person, but your mistake was in telling him how all family members and friends perceive his interference. When you are criticizing someone, you should speak only to your own experience -- not others'.

One way to start over is to stop haranguing him about his past behavior and ask for a fresh start.

DEAR AMY: Your response to "Overwhelmed," whose parents are hoarders, was on point. As the daughter of a lifelong hoarder, I could write a book about the attempts my sister and I made to help our mother try to get control of the mess. Only after her death did we fully realize the extremes of her hoarding. Your response that she "cannot save them from themselves" is right on point.

-- Anne from Virginia

DEAR ANNE: Hoarding presents creates heartbreaking challenges for family members.

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