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Speak intimately before being intimate

DEAR AMY: I'm 24 and just started seeing a really great guy. Things have progressed slowly (we didn't have our first kiss until our fourth date), but from the way it's going, I think he really likes me. We have a ton of sexual chemistry/tension, and I'd love to begin to explore that part of the relationship, but because of past experiences and the fact that I really like him, I don't want to sleep with him unless I know we are exclusive. How do I make this clear without scaring him off? I come from a generation of hook-up culture and blurred lines, so I can't assume anything. Guys my age probably aren't used to having such a conversation, especially early on. When and how do I bring this up?

-- In Like

DEAR IN LIKE: If you two enjoy great chemistry, you are both going to want to take it to the next level soon. The time to bring this up is well before you find yourself fumbling with your buttons.

Talking about sex is intimate, important -- and pretty sexy.

If you are not brave enough to be honest with someone on this level and to frankly state your own needs, you should not be getting naked with him.

If he can't have this conversation -- or doesn't like your parameters -- then he's not the guy for you.


DEAR AMY: The letter from "Wondering" reminded me of my situation. Like Wondering, I had an uncle who wanted to send me money during college. However, he always sent the check to my mother because it just wasn't right for "an old man to send money to a young girl." His money was a windfall and much appreciated. Helping to support his niece is great. Asking her to lie to her parents about it is not.

-- Appreciative

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Exactly.

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