DEAR AMY: I am a college student. I have had one serious boyfriend. We broke up at the beginning of this year, and I have grown up and blossomed since then. I am, however, too afraid to be an active participant on the college hook-up scene. One of my best friends at school, “Tate,” has been by my side through everything. He’s a great guy, but he is a player, regularly hooking-up and doing his thing. A few weeks ago, I drank much more than I usually do and we ended up going home together. I don’t regret it because it helped restore my confidence and was kind of fun, but it made me think: Would I have done that if I were sober? Last weekend, Tate got grossly intoxicated (again) and I had to take care of him. He made multiple drunken attempts to get me to go to his room with him (which I declined). I fell asleep in a chair in his room for a few hours and in the morning we just cuddled and it was very intimate. We have openly said we’ve loved each other for a while, even though we were strictly in the “friend zone” until recently. He casually said, “After how you took care of me last night, I might have to wife you up (slang for girlfriend — it’s kind of a joke phrase). Will you marry me?” I was like, “What?” He repeated himself: “Let’s get married.” I was convinced he was somehow still drunk, or drunk on intimacy or something, so I brushed it off. Did I just get casually proposed to? What do I make of that ... and where do I go from here?
Stressed Student in N.Y.
DEAR STRESSED: You and “Tate” need to switch beverages (to coffee), long enough to figure out your storyline. My instinct is that a guy who says, “Wife me” to you — the way he would say “beer me” to a bro, isn’t really interested in — or capable of — the kind of serious relationship you might be moving toward. But the way to find out is to talk to him when he has been fully sober for at least 48 hours. Stay smart regarding your friendship with this player.
DEAR AMY: My husband of 46 years can fix and build anything. “Barney” is 67 and says he is going to replace the roof on our small two-story barn storage building. He said there is nothing I can say or do to stop him. He is in pretty good shape, but he has had many back problems and elbow pain. I am so worried! This has caused me sleepless nights, nightmares and blood pressure problems. My fears are him falling, dying, having back/elbow injuries, etc. I love him, but worry about this project and my (and our) health and happiness. This has caused a lot of tension and stress in our otherwise wonderful relationship. I trust him completely, but this scares me. We can easily afford to have someone do the roof replacement. Can you give me any advice? I have begged, pleaded, prayed — nothing seems to make a difference. Barney reads your column daily; he hopes to start this project soon.
Worried in Wisconsin
DEAR WORRIED: Please show “Barney” this statistic: According to the CDC, the No. 1 leading cause of injury death in Americans over 65 is “unintentional fall.” None of the more than 25,000 people who died in 2013 intended to fall, or die of a fall, and yet — the statistics are very clear. The leading cause of nonfatal injuries treated in emergency rooms for his age group? Yep, you guessed it: Unintentional falls (over 2 million in 2013). Your husband has a dangerous plan. The cost of hiring a licensed, bonded and insured roofer to replace your roof would pale in comparison to the cost to your family if your husband was injured — or worse. My husband is a professional contractor, 10 years younger than your husband, and yet when we needed a new roof last year — he hired other professionals to do it.
DEAR AMY: I was so amused by the letter from the “Caring Parents,” whose young-adult daughter was complaining about how caring and careful they were when she was a teen. They should tell her, “Let’s talk about this again when you’re a parent. Then you can weigh in on our choices.”
DEAR BEEN THERE: My own mother used to say, “I only hope I live long enough to watch you deal with this.” Happily, she did.