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Good Morning

Unattractive friend struggles to find love

DEAR AMY: My husband's best friend from work, "Billy," is an amazing man. He speaks several languages, has traveled the world and does a million other things. He's also friendly, confident, funny, easy to talk to, nicely groomed and well-dressed, and is a warm, generous guy. We love him to death, but he can't get a date. The problem is, he's just physically unattractive. It's not any one feature; it's just sort of everything. He is also short. I've introduced him to every single woman I know. They like his personality and all agree that he's a wonderful guy, but none of them can get past his looks. I know he's tried every avenue he can think of -- online dating, social groups, singles clubs, church groups -- you name it. Online is worst. He's had hundreds of women abruptly cut off communication as soon as they see a picture. If he posts a picture at the outset, no one will respond at all. My husband and I have both run out of ideas. I know he's terribly lonely, and it eats at him to be constantly rejected. It doesn't help that he wants to have children. He would make a wonderful father! He's 44. Is there any hope for him?

-- Sympathetic

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: "Billy" might be looking for love in all the wrong places. Yes, he has looked everywhere he, you (or I) can imagine, but has he volunteered to be an after-school tutor (or coach) at the local Boys and Girls Club? Has he looked into being a foster father or a Big Brother? Would he like to try to adopt a child? What I'm getting at is if this wonderful guy would be a great dad, maybe he should cut out the middleman (or woman) and turn his search toward sharing his life with a child who will value attention, love and companionship as much as he does.

Being a single man is no longer the impediment to fatherhood that it once was. Maybe you should engage him in a conversation that could ultimately change his life. Start like this: "Billy, have you ever considered becoming a dad? If you're interested, we'd love to help."

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