DEAR AMY: I’m in a happy, long-term relationship with my boyfriend. We are truly soul mates and plan on buying a house soon. After I complete my degree, we plan to get married. My best friend is single and several years older than I am. She makes a good living, while I don’t have an income, due to going to school full time. My boyfriend and I both live off his income. We try hard to keep up with our friendships. My best friend wants to travel with me. I told her I could do a weekend trip somewhere, but that isn’t good enough for her. I don’t want to do an expensive, exotic trip with her. I’d feel guilty doing this while my boyfriend works. Secondly, I want to experience these “bucket list” items with him. My friend gets really upset and tells me it’s not that I “can’t” go with her but that I simply “don’t want to.” If I mention spending time with anyone other than her, she gets upset. Every time I try telling her something positive about my boyfriend, she doesn’t want to hear it. Of course, she’s all there if I want to complain about something he did. If I can’t even talk about a major part of my life with her, how can we even be friends? She hates texting and when she calls me it’s often at least an hour conversation, five or six times a week. I’m afraid to mention anything about my boyfriend because she takes it badly, unless she is directly involved. She’s a great person, but I feel like I’m dating two people, and I’m exhausted! How should I handle this?
DEAR DISCOURAGED: The next time your friend hits you with “You can go on a trip with me, but you simply don’t want to,” you should answer her with: “You’re right. I just don’t want to.”
Your friend doesn’t seem interested in ceding her primary friendship spot to your boyfriend, who is now your mate and life partner.
When one party in a friendship enters into an important romantic relationship, it can lead to a tough transition, and yet it is a transition that needs to be made.
You and your friend need to have a serious and heartfelt talk about your relationship. She either doesn’t like your boyfriend, or she doesn’t like you having a boyfriend. And yet, this is an important choice you have made about your life, and a good friend would accept this and find a way to be supportive. Can she adjust her expectations? You should find out.
DEAR AMY: I think I’m going to break up with my boyfriend because of his addiction to the new Pokémon Go game. He has being ignoring my needs in order to play the stupid game. For example, I’ve been coughing and wheezing for the past week, but instead of staying by my side he’s out who knows where — staring at his phone. I guess I have to drill him about his life priorities. Before this addiction I really thought things were good for us, though he has been a bit of a slowpoke when it comes to progressing our relationship. He used to be my darling, now I just feel crabby every time I look at him. I think he might have met a new girl through this game. I haven’t been able to catch him, but I have my suspicions. We’ve been together for three years. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.
DEAR WENT: Your problems with your boyfriend seem to have preceded his interest in Pokémon Go. I’m not sure why your coughing and wheezing requires his constant attendance at your bedside, but clearly this is a priority for you, and his obsession with this game has become a priority for him.
You want to bend your guy to your will, but making someone do what you want is not the path to a balanced relationship.
When you’re feeling better, you might want to join him on a Pokémon Go run to see what the fuss is all about. Ultimately, if you have vastly different priorities, your relationship won’t endure.
DEAR AMY: I agreed with your response to the letter from “Concerned Friend,” who was worried about her friend’s extreme dieting. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It is always better to diet with someone else, but sometimes this gets strangely competitive and can trigger an eating disorder.
BEEN THERE: I agree. Thank you.