DEAR AMY: I dated a man two years ago who lied to me about who he was. When I learned the truth about him, he stole my car and disappeared. Some months later, he returned. He was apologetic and wanted to be back in the relationship, but I caught him lying a few more times. Even though we weren’t seeing each other like a regular couple, he cheated on me. Now he is in jail and he needs me to help him. He professes to be in love with me, says that he won’t cheat again and swears he will be true to me, but there is another woman he knows who is in love with him. He states that he does not love her in the way that he loves me. He says that she is like family. She is helping him out with legal issues. I know for a fact that he doesn’t love her in a romantic way. The problem is, she has told me that she loves him. She knows that he won’t love her the way she expects him to, but she still does things for him. This makes me feel like I’m not doing enough for him, and that at some point she might win him over. He recently introduced me to his mother, which makes me think that he might actually be sincere this time, but I don’t know how to handle this other relationship. I would love for us to coexist happily, with her as a friend, but she feels threatened by me and does not wish to have any relationship with me, other than to communicate his messages to me about how to help in resolving his legal issues. How would you advise me to deal with this issue?
Once and Future Girlfriend
DEAR GIRLFRIEND: First, a quick question for you: What kind of sneakers do you have? My cursory research shows that Nike and Adidas are both good choices for super-fast footwear.
My advice is for you to lace up your fastest track shoes and run as fast and as far away from this mess as you can. If you are feeling extra-generous, you might grab your guy’s other girlfriend and pull a Thelma and Louise. But please — at the very least, save yourself.
Before you go, take a long look in the mirror, and tell yourself that you deserve much, much better. And then behave as if this is true.
The man you are so concerned about is (by your account) a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, and a convicted criminal. He is successfully playing you from his jail cell.
A man I once knew declared, very confidently, that, “Any man can get any woman.” I argued passionately that this was not true. Please, don’t prove him right.
DEAR AMY: I am a 62-year-old grandpa in good physical health with Type II diabetes. Here is my dilemma: My son is 40, with a 2-year-old son. He was in good health and maintained a normal weight until he got married last year. His wife is obese and doesn’t seem to care. My son’s eating habits seem to be out of control. He has gained a lot of weight, and has grown a big belly and a double chin. The baby is in the 98th percentile in weight. I want to have a conversation with my son, but I do not know how to broach the subject. I feel very strongly about this, and think the conversation is urgent. Please help!
Dad & Grandpa
DEAR DAD: Your son is at high risk for Type II diabetes due to his family history, his extra weight, and where he is carrying his weight (his belly). You should frame your conversation with him in a way that reflects your own struggle with diabetes. Urge him to be tested by his doctor. If he pays attention now, he could potentially stave off this very serious illness. Do not discuss his wife’s weight, and keep your conversation firmly focused on this serious health risk.
DEAR AMY: Responding to the letter from “Want to Stay Peaceful,” who didn’t want to attend a same-sex wedding, I respectfully ask you to please respect people who hold a biblical view of marriage.
DEAR TRADITIONAL: “Want to Stay Peaceful” didn’t cite the Bible as the source of her views. Mainly, I urged her to simply be truthful about her choice to stay home, instead of making empty excuses.