43° Good Evening
43° Good Evening

Woman wants alone time with husband

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been married for six years. We have a 3-year-old daughter. We both work full time. Lately I have been feeling like we never make time for mommy and daddy time. I would love a date night, but my husband is always making me feel bad when I ask someone to watch our daughter and when we do go out he says how much he misses her. Is it wrong to want a night alone with my hubby?

-- Mommy Who Needs Daddy Time

DEAR MOMMY: Spending some spousal time together at this stage of your parenthood is important for your future as a couple. It is quite easy (and very tempting) to give up on many aspects of adulthood when you have an adorable and adored child at home. Ignoring their own identity and autonomy as adults is the reason many parents become bored and boring -- it is as if they slowly cease to exist, both as individuals and as a couple. They disappear into their parenthood. You could start by referring to yourselves (in adult company) not as "mommy" and "daddy," but as wife and husband.

Spending time together as a couple will help to keep your marriage at the center of your little family's life. If you don't deliberately make time for each other, the child becomes the center of everything, and though the child should definitely be the focus of your energy as parents, she should not be responsible for holding your adult relationship together.

It is completely natural to miss your child, but it is not fair for your husband to deliberately make you feel bad for wanting to reconnect with him.

DEAR AMY: "Betrayed in Denver" felt betrayed by her friend because she got a parking ticket in a newly named "no parking" zone in front of the friend's house?! Using Betrayed's standards, I'm going to blame my friend for the time the dry cleaner lost my shirt. The shop is near my friend's house, and thus obviously within my friend's zone of control.

-- Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: We would all like to pin the blame for life's injustices on someone, right?


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