DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. I have given up job opportunities and graduate school opportunities to move around the country for him and his job. We are currently living in a small town in Texas with our 2-year-old son. He promises me we will get married one day, but not anytime soon. When I tell him I want marriage, he says I'm pressuring him. I have tried to compromise and ask him to at least make me feel like I'm his partner by combining even a portion of our finances to cover mutual costs (home, groceries, child care, etc.) and he says no. He won't even tell me his salary. His parents had a nasty divorce, and I can't help but think that has influenced him and his ability to commit. I love him, and I know he loves me. I don't want to raise our son apart, but I know I'll never be fully happy if we don't get married. When I try to talk to him about my concerns, it always turns into a huge fight. Do I stay, or do I leave?
-- Tired of Waiting
DEAR TIRED: I almost never respond with an instant reaction that someone should leave a relationship -- certainly with a toddler in the picture, but I'm making an exception here.
Your guy is controlling and withholding. You are responsible for your choice to give up opportunities and your education in order to follow him around, have a child with him and to exist in a relationship limbo that you claim is 100 percent not what you want. Please, don't make your life worse by doubling down and insisting on marrying him.
Never give up your dreams. Never give up your own power. In a truly loving relationship, both partners share their dreams -- and balance their power.
This man is showing you exactly who he is. Believe him. You need to call a friend or family member, see a lawyer, and start your life anew.