DEAR AMY: My youngest grandson, “Jamie,” is 3 years old. He and his family live out of state, so we only see him two or three times a year. Jamie wears jeans and T-shirts mostly, but his parents have let his hair grow to below shoulder length. People see him and say, “What a cute little girl.” His hair is thick, blond and wavy, so Jamie does look like a cute girl. Jamie gets upset when people think he’s a girl. His parents tell him that people think anyone with long hair is a girl. His mom wants to save his curls because his hair really is beautiful. I suggested that his mom cut a lock of hair to save and then get him a boy’s haircut at the barber shop. With all the talk of transgender kiddies, this could be rough on little Jamie. Being a kid and fitting in is hard enough, but I don’t think they care if Jamie is “different.” Should I butt out or should I go to bat for sweet Jamie?
DEAR GRANDMOM: “Jamie’s” parents shouldn’t care if he is “different.” And in this day and age, you would have to ask yourself, “Different from what?” There is no one way to be. If this child doesn’t like his hair long, I suggest his parents hide the scissors, because there isn’t a 3- or 4-year-old in the world who hasn’t enjoyed giving him/herself that first lopsided haircut.
You’ve already expressed yourself. Now you should stay out of it.
DEAR AMY: A few weeks ago I met a wonderful, divorced father of two. We were on the same flight back to our home state after spending the Thanksgiving holiday with our parents, who happen to live a few miles apart. The connection was very brief but instant — from when our eyes met. We exchanged numbers and never stopped speaking or seeing each other for a month. I sensed something was amiss as he was not in contact as much. We met for coffee and he informed me that an ex-girlfriend had texted him. He said he was torn and confused and did not feel comfortable dating more than one person. He said they had not seen each other or spoken in two years. She ended the relationship because she was going through a divorce and the timing was less than ideal. I was not OK being in limbo (nor was he suggesting that I should be). He continued to reach out, saying he was sick to his stomach, missed speaking, but still did not have answers as to whether it was me or her. Against my heart’s will, I told him I’d be removing myself from the situation. It has now been two weeks of silence. I truly felt, and still do, that he was the one. I’ve waited 33 years for that kind of connection. Am I naive to cling onto hope that he’ll return after a month or two of exploring things with the ex? How likely would it be for him to reignite his relationship with his ex after two years of silence?
DEAR WAITING: You should not spend one more precious moment trying to second guess or predict this man’s chances with his ex.
You knew him for a few weeks. Your relationship with him never really got off the ground. Relationships sputter for all sorts of reasons — and despite what this man told you, you really do not know what happened between him and his ex, or between the two of you. He might be a romantic wunderkind who rushes headlong into relationships and then gets cold feet and withdraws. Or — it is possible that every single thing he told you is true. Do not cling to hope if you can help it. Lick your wounds, read Mary Oliver poetry, take long walks, and know that if it’s meant to be, it will be. You are doing the right thing. Thwarted romance makes philosophers and poets out of all of us.
DEAR AMY: I agree with your strong caution to “Challenged Boss,” the boss who was being sexually propositioned by a very young employee, who wanted to exchange sexual favors for the boss to rehire another employee. In addition to your caution that this boss should investigate other possible wrongdoing from this unethical pair, he should also consider that he is ripe to be set up for a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Also a Boss
DEAR BOSS: Oh yes. Thank you.