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28° Good Morning

Young woman has bad case of 'baby fever'

DEAR AMY: I am a 20-year-old woman who has graduated from college. I have a wonderful full-time job and am in a new relationship with a much older man. Although the relationship is new, I am constantly daydreaming about becoming pregnant. You know that baby-fever feeling that makes you want to cry about being so empty and barren? I realize that since my boyfriend is older he's at a stage in his life where he is ready to start settling down. I want so much, so fast. I want the marriage, the kids, the home. But I want it after only a couple months of dating. My question is, how fast is too fast?

-- Impatient

DEAR IMPATIENT: I can say with total honesty that I do not know the "baby-fever feeling that makes you want to cry about being so empty and barren." At the age of 20, describing your womb as "empty and barren" because there isn't a baby in it is extreme.

I do know the feeling, however, of being so hyper-charged smitten that you want to make a baby together before you even know each other's middle names.

This is evolutionary, hormonal and beautifully irrational.

You might be preternaturally mature. The fact that you have a college degree and a full-time job at the age of 20 is a sign that you are self-directed and ambitious.

I can only pass along the advice I would offer if you were my daughter: Once you have children everything else changes. You may not think you will regret all of the years of experience you would miss by having a child at your age, but you probably would.

Most importantly, driving at the speed of light toward marriage, babies, houses, etc., after only two months of dating is unwise. In your haste to get the prize you perceive, you will miss many necessary experiences and opportunities to get to know your partner.

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