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LI kids say the funniest things

Jane Cassi of Nesconset with her son, Steven

Jane Cassi of Nesconset with her son, Steven Colon, taken in 2005. Credit: Lew Yedwab

As the saying goes, kids say the darnedest things. I get such a kick out of what my friends' children come up with especially because my 8-month-old, Maggie, isn't talking yet.

Recently, one of my best college friends, Amy, came to visit with her 3-year-old twins, Lily and Jack. My husband, Jason, typically has a shaved head and no facial hair, but that morning he hadn't shave his face so he had a scruffy look.

Jason was playing a game with the kids when Jack innocently said, "Jason you should take some of your face hair and put it on your head." We laughed so hard I had to leave the room! Amy told us a similar story when they were out shopping: Lily saw a man with a white beard and said, "Look Mommy, it's Santa!"

It got me thinking that everyone's child has said something memorable. In that spirit, we reached out to our Facebook and Twitter fans to find out what funny things their kids are saying. Definitely out of the mouth of babes! Take a look:

My little parrot
Our daughter learned to talk listening to me lament about how the house we bought was a money pit. People would laugh when they saw her shake her head and say "Dis is woo-di-cris" (This is ludicrous!) if she dropped any of her toys on the floor.
-Diane C. Hunter, Plainview

Small wonder
I said to my 4-year-old grandson, "I want you to come over my house for dinner on Sunday."
He replied,"OK, I'll tell my mommy to call your mommy. "
-Alice Bulger, East Meadow

Tiny tots
My husband and I told our four kids there was a new sibling in my belly. After the excitement quieted down, George, my youngest, said, "Why don't you swallow a toy." I asked why. He replied, "So the baby has something to play with in there."
-Nicole Wessels, Sayville

What a hoot
My 3-year-old grandson Benny had a bad cold and cough, and my husband asked him how he was feeling. His response was, "Pop, I'm just a kid with a cough!" We rolled on the floor laughing!
-Marsha Schiff, Great Neck

Class act
Forty years ago, when I was a new teacher, I had a class of first-graders. It was spring and we were discussing Easter and Passover. I asked if anyone knew what Passover meant. One of the boys' hands immediately shot up, "I know I know! When you're eating dinner and someone says 'could I have the potatoes' you just pass them over." Needless to say, I had quite a time keeping a straight face!
-Theresa Prudente, Northport

Main squeeze
I was shopping with my 5-year-old son, looking for new pajamas for myself. He went over to one of the bras, grabbed the cups with both hands and squeezed. He then looked up at me and said, "Mommy, what size bra are you?" The other women in the store just looked at me, I was embarrassed. I said to him, "I'm not answering that question."
-Debbie Mustacaros, Ronkonkoma

A sweet song
One evening while Steven was getting ready for bed, he sang: "When a big pizza pie hits you right in the eye, you want some more-ay!"
-Jane Cassi, Nesconset

Early reader
While passing a restaurant named Connelly Station, my son, when just learning to read, said, "Look mom! Cannoli station!" We still laugh about it 15 years later.
-Carol Anne Roth-Walter, via Facebook

Funny stuff
My dad was visiting when my daughter, who was 6 at the time, saw him going into the bathroom with his bag. She asked him, "Grandpa what is that bag?" and he replied, "That's my toiletry bag." To which my daughter said, "Silly grandpa, toilets don't grow on trees."
-Karen Grolz Puglisi, via Facebook

Food for thought
My daughter was 8 pounds at birth and always hungry. On turning 2, I asked her what she wanted most for her birthday. She said: "A fork. A big fork."
-Jeanne Kavanagh-Hohne, via Facebook

Brotherly love
My daughter asked my grandson if he would like another brother or sister. He responded with "No, Mommy. I want to keep Keira (his younger sister)!
-Gail Juster, Commack

Cliche mix-up
When my oldest son (53 now) was in the first grade
Candid Camera went to his school and picked some
children to finish the sayings. My son responded to: People in glass houses "shouldn't undress" and An
Apple a day "keeps your teeth clean." Fortunately
Candid Camera recorded it and we have it on an
LP record.
-Joan DeFiglia, Massepequa

Alphabet scramble
My son AJ recently was in the car with me, and I must have commented that I was reading directions on how to go somewhere. He then says to me, "Mom did you forget the UPS?"
-Jackie Cutugno Chung, via Facebook

Smart talking
My son asked why did God make adults smarter than kids, saying, it's not fair!
-Krista Moore, via Facebook

A tall tale
When my daughter was younger we went to Splish Splash, and I was holding her while on a line and she was getting heavy. I told her I have to put her down and she has to stand on her own two feet. She said to me, "But I'm three feet, two in a half inches." It was so funny.
-Karen Axel-Knispel, via Facebook

Movie madness
My favorite thing my daughter ever said was: "Mommy, time to rewind" loud and clear at the end of the "Monsters Inc." premiere in our local movie theater. She had the whole place laughing ... she was 2 1/2 at the time.
-Kathleen Ramirez, via Facebook

Comic relief
My wife and I with our son (3 or 4 at the time) were out for a drive and a commercial came on the radio for throat lozenges. The announcer said: "And now with eucalyptus." We asked him if he could say eucalyptus, and he said, "Yes, you could lick this!" Still cracks me up.
-Keven Eric Kronenberg, via Facebook

Sweet surprise
My two daughters, 3 and 6 at the time, were sitting in the backseat discussing how much they love Swedish Fish. My 3-year-old asked my 6-year-old, "Why are they called Swedish Fish?" My 6-year-old proceeds to tell her in her all-knowing way: "Duh! They're sweet! I laughed the whole way home!"
-Cindy Watson Casey, via Facebook

A small comedian
I went shopping with my son when he was about 3 years old. In the store, we saw a big burly man. He was rough and tough, with long curly hair, a big bushy beard and an earring. My son points straight at him and shouts "Mommy! Mommy! Look, it's a Man-girl!" I was never so embarrassed in my life and quite apologetic! Thankfully the man had a good sense of humor, and we just laughed it off.
-Ida Wolfson, via Facebook

Cute stuff
My 7-year-old daughter asked me, "Mom, how much longer until I'm a teenager?" I told her "about six more years," and she said, "Only six more years?! But I don't want to be a teenager! Teenagers hate their parents, and I don't want to hate you!"
-Denise Daney, via Facebook

The little engine that could
Asked my 3-year-old why he was growing up so fast. Being a car enthusiast like his dad, his reply was very serious: "Well mommy you see the engine inside me is going super fast and there's no button to slow me down" (as he looks all over his body for a button).
-Lynda Quinn, via Facebook

Out of the mouth of babes
At a party when my daughter was 3 (she's now 19), someone asked her how old she was. She responded "3." The person then asked, "When did you turn 3?" My daughter said, "After 2, duh!"
-Cheryl Susan, via Facebook

Fit kid
While driving near Amityville years ago my daughter saw a sign "Dolphin Fitness Center." All excited and being an animal lover, she wanted to go see the dolphins work out (now the gym is called "Big Al's"). I had to pull over I was laughing so hard. Even at 20 years old now, almost every day she comes up with what we call a "Kate-ism." I have enough to write a book already!
-Doug Lloyd, via Facebook

Bounce back
If something happened that upset my 3-year-old I would say: "That's the way the ball bounces." So one day when I broke a glass he turned to me and said "That's the way you bounce the ball."
-Ann Tyers-Alesi, via Facebook

Curious at church
I took my 4-year-old grandson on his first visit to church a few years ago. He looked at the life-size crucifix over the altar and said, "Wow what did he do?"
-Paul Coonelly, via Facebook

Class trip
I was on a mini-school bus heading to the LI Children's Museum with an autistic class. I spotted what looked like an old biplane in the sky, and I was telling the aides to look at it. When they couldn't locate it right away, I told them it was at 11 o'clock. The little boy sitting next to me looked at his watch, and said, matter of factly, "No it's not, it's 10:18."
-Alissa Walter, via Facebook

Flower power
My wife was planting some flowers around the yard when my son asked: "What's the name of those flowers?" My wife answered" "impatiens," and he looked at me and said, "Why are they impatient, because they can't wait to grow?!"
-Kevin Eric Kronenberg, via Facebook

One day my 3-year-old, A.J., noticed that my usual hair dryer in the bathroom was not there but instead was replaced by a much smaller travel-size one. He came over and said to me "Mommy is that one for me?"
-Jackie Cutugno Chung, via Facebook

Mama's boy
Brian: "Mommy I love you." Me: "How do you know?" Brian: "Because you make my heart smile."
-Bonnie Esau-Spellman, Hampton Bays

Got milk?
I gave my 3 1/2-year-old nephew a cup of milk before bed. When he was finished, he looked at me, smiled and said ... "Ahhh, that hit the spot!!" I literally cracked up laughing it was so funny!
-Natalie Maio, Baldwin

Darling diva
"Mommy, how 'bout you drink milk, and I'll drink coffee and wine," said Ella, 2 1/2. And, "Mommy, don't bother me with details."
-Lindsay Carr Gavin, via Facebook

Drama queen
My daughter Emma, 3, will tell me "Ugh you're wasting my times mommy," or "I busy right now, sorry."
-Katie Sikes, via Facebook

Piece of cake
Over the weekend I was making my 3-year-old son's birthday cake, and it wasn't going great. I was so mad, and he looked over at me and said, "Mom don't worry, it's just a cake." I couldn't help but smile.
-Gaetena Riccio Schultz, via Facebook

Word mix-up
My niece who was 5 at the time said, "You scared me out of my CRAP!" after being startled by someone ... LOL!
-Nicole Santora, via Facebook

Houston, we have a problem
When my son was small, after listening to a space shuttle launch's "Houston, we have liftoff," my son asked me what would happen if Houston died?
-Patti Langan, via Facebook

Daughter's delight
Wow, there's been so many hilarious things that my daughter has said, but two of the best ones were: When she was 3 or 4, she told me, "Mom I want to get married but I have to get my eyebrows waxed first." Another was one year for my husband's birthday, he was complaining that no one really did anything for him and when I proceeded to say that the whole family was over and we had a nice dinner, my daughter comes out and says, "Well what did you expect, a fiesta?!"
-Stephanie Price, via Facebook

Say cheese
My granddaughter Lisa and I were in the backseat of the car and I saw an 8-by-11 piece of white paper on the floor. I asked Lisa (at the time she was 1 1/2) what was the paper doing on the floor. Lisa said it was cheese paper. I said, "What?" And she said, "Cheese paper. When I go to Sal's [deli], Sal asks me if I want some cheese, and I say yes, and he gives me the cheese on the cheese paper."
-Helen Corozzo, Glen Cove

Smarty pants
We were eating dinner when we asked my then-2 1/2-year-old if five people are at the table and two people go to the bathroom then how many people are left at the table? She replied 3. Genius, right? Well fast-forward five years when we asked my next child who was then 2 1/2 years old the same question, she replied "Why would two people go to the bathroom at the same time?" We still laugh at that 25 years later!
-Lori Gaddis, Franklin Square

I have a medication pump inside my belly area and one day my son, maybe 4 at the time, was lying down with his head directly over the "pump" (note to readers the pump does make a ticking noise but I can't hear it). Well, my little guy was just lying the quietly and then suddenly raised up his head and announced to a room full of family: "Everyone watch out, mom's gonna blow!" Everyone just about peed their pants. Out of the mouths of babes. And, at 15 he still thinks it's funny.
-Catherine Harris, via Facebook

Best buddies
My brother-in-law was trying to discipline my nephew about how your don't refer to grown-ups as "Hey you." We told him that you can talk to your friends that way but not grown-ups. My nephew looks up at my brother-in-law and says, "But dad, you're my best friend." So much for disciplining him!
-Lizzette Yngstrom, via Facebook

Funny honey
My daughter asked us if we could iron her grandma's face because it was wrinkled.
-Natalia Rodriguez, via Facebook

Apples to apples
OK, I got a good one! When our daughter was 3, since "mom" made lunch everyday for preschool her daddy would practice math with her after school. So for her to understand his way of thinking with numbers he stated: "Sweetie if mommy gives you two apples and daddy takes one how many are left?" Our daughter stated: "If mommy gives me two apples and you take one away, I'll be upset because mommy gave them to me to give to my teacher!" It's been a story for many years; now she's 25.
-Tina Torres, via Facebook

Morning routine
Me: "How do you feel this morning, Annabelle?" Annabelle: "OK. It just takes a while to get my systems up and running."
-Jeanne Kavanagh-Hohne, Commack

Potty time
My 3-year-old granddaughter, who was potty trained last spring, at 2 1/2, was visiting me at work with my daughter and son (her mom and uncle). They both kept repeatedly asking her if she had to go potty. The answer was always no. Finally, in exasperation, my granddaughter threw her arms up in the air and exclaimed, "Why does everyone keep asking me, this is insane!"
-Shelly Richman Albrechtsen, via Facebook

Grandma's delight
While watching TV one day the commercial came on for Frosted Mini-Wheats, and my 3-year-old granddaughter Julia looked at them and said, "Mommy and Daddy have them ... but theirs don't have faces on them." Another time my granddaughter Avary, 4, looked at me and said, "Grandma how come you have white under your hair."
-Joanne Sarnelle Farrarese, Massapequa Park

Baby-sitter snafu
My son was 5 and my daughter was 18 months. The phone rang, and I said to my son, "Watch your sister, I'll be right back." In the minute I was gone, she crawled over to the entertainment unit and took out a bunch of videos. I said to him, "I thought I told you to watch your sister" to which he responded: "I did watch her; see what she did!"
-Sandy Hardy, via Facebook

Inquisitive little one
My wife and older daughter were out so I thought it would be a lovely idea to watch "The Lion King" with my daughter Marisa, who was 9-years-old at the time (she is 25 now). The specific part in the movie that always fascinated me was when Scar (Mustafa's brother) sits on a huge rock and oversees his proposed kingdom while hundreds of Hyena soldiers march in front of him with brilliant and frightening cadence. It was at that very moment that being mesmerized I blurted out, "those hyenas look exactly like Hitler's soldiers as they march in front of Scar." There was silence for a second -- Marisa said "Yeah." Another pause -- then she said, "Who is Hitler"? I said "He was a madman who tried to take over the world." Silence and after a long pause Marisa said, "With Hyena's"? I rolled with laughter, and when I tell the story today Marisa's hates hearing it each time.
-Mike Costa, Melville

What funny things have your kids said? Share your stories in the comment section below or follow me on Twitter @JenBergerKids.

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